Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Attention Please

Your Love Song Is

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

"Maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool"

You've been waiting for love, and you're not going to wait any longer!

That's really uplifting isn't it?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Number 3

Today's Meme is brought to you by the Number 3.

3 Things that scare me: The massive tangle of wires behind my desk; starting new relationships with guys; the University of Alabama football program will never recover it's former glory

3 People who make me laugh: Marion Brown (a good friend whom I don't call nearly enough); Dana; Grady Nutt

3 Things I love: Starting new relationships with guys; College football; the different color greens you see when spring has sprung

3 Things I hate: Ugly business forms that don't work; the tangled mass of wires behind my desk; decorating for Christmas (a lot of trouble for just a few weeks)

3 Things I don't understand: Why some people are cruel to animals; the mass of tangled wires behind my desk; why I let my car turn into a dumpster

3 Things on my desk: Computer; ciggies; glass of tea

3 Things I'm doing right now: IMing a guy that I'm (apparantly) starting a new relationship with; looking at all of the other crap on my desk that I didn't list above; replying to his Meme thingy

3 Things I want to do before I die: Go on an African safari; retire; meet Taylor Hicks

3 Things I can do: Drive; eat; cross my eyes

3 Things I can't do: Reply to these list thingys in under two hours; figure out the mass of tang..well you know; a back hand spring

3 Things I think you should listen to: Your intuition; the weather report; music that makes you smile

3 Things you should never listen to: People who put you down; bad advice; music you hate

3 Things I'd like to learn: How to play the guitar; how to give up changing things that can't be changed without beating my head repeatedly against a brick wall; reply to these list thingys in under two hours

3 Favorite foods: Brownies; hamburgers (the fresh-made gooey kind); anything my Mom cooks

3 Beverages I drink regularly: Sweet tea; unsweet tea with fake sugar; Bud Light;

3 Shows I watched as a kid: The Brady Bunch; The Partridge Family; the Sunday night Disney movies

Whew! Since everybody I know's already been tagged apparently, I ain't tagging anybody!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

"Blogged" Down Syndrome

I am posting here in the hope that others suffering from a similar disease will comment.

I have started about 3 posts over the last several days. I get so "blogged" down in making sure it looks purty that I never get it posted!

I play with html codes, look for cool pics to post, edit, edit, and edit some more.

After spending a couple of hours tweaking my post, I finally walk away from it. It's approaching the ridiculous!

Do I have a defective blog gene? I've been trying to find scientific information on the possible cause, but after using several search engines and digging through hundreds of sites, I have yet to deterimine the cause of this affliction.

The "search for the truth" syndrome must be a symptom of this condition as well.

As yet I have been unable to find a cure for my affliction. If you have had success overcoming a similar condition, please leave your tips on your comment.

Thank you for your time.

(Notice how plain this post looks. I believe I may be making progress!)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Battle Of Troy

Sorry I haven't been around the last couple of days. It seems that my computer was invaded by Trojans (not the prophylactic kind).

Still working on getting things back to normal!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

My Ascent From The Black Hole

This is my story.

About 4 years ago I got my husband’s gun out of the bedside drawer, wrote a suicide note, and put the gun to my head. But I "chickened out" and couldn't go through with it. I cried at my failure to even go though with this act. I got the gun out many times and held in my hands and thought about killing myself.

For the previous years I had suffered (what a weak word), with severe depression. I could function...Go to work, come home, clean the house (sorta) and generally make it though each day. But it was exhausting. I always felt like I was swimming underwater against the current. The part that exhausted me was putting on a normal face and getting through the day. Trying to do the things I knew I had to do.

I thought, Okay this will pass. One day will have a better day and keep having good days until I don't feel this way anymore. Didn’t happen. I would have one of those “good days” where I felt like I had come up for air and that maybe this was when I would start to feel better. Didn’t happen. I would always get dragged under again.

Here are some of the thoughts that were my mantras for those many years:
“In the scheme of things, I don't matter.”
“My time on earth is so fleeting that I don't even understand why I was put here.”
“Within this big world and the infinite universe, I am just a small speck of an ant so what is my life worth? Nothing”
“If I could just kill myself, I would feel so much better.”
“I have friends and family in heaven who would welcome me, love me, and take care of me, and I miss them.”
“If I killed myself, it wouldn't really make a difference to those around me after all, after all I'm not a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, grandchild, etc.”
“I am so worthless. The things I can manage to do myself can easily be handled by someone else.”
“My friends and family would no longer have to deal with my depression.”

I had been “self-medicating” myself for many years. I drank anywhere from two to three beers every night. Sometimes more. I thought of it as my “wind down” time at the end of the day. After all, alcohol in moderation was supposed to be good for you. And a couple of beers a night seemed moderate to me. I was not an alcoholic. It felt good to sit in front of the TV and just vege out.

I cried…a lot. Feeling sorry for myself. No those are not the right words. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I just felt like I could not face another day and deal with regular life. But I did feel sorry for my friends and family. I was such a burden to them. This is not how they felt. This is how I felt. I knew that I was loved. But that didn’t make the feelings go away. It seemed to intensify them. After all, how could anyone love me when I was putting them through such misery worrying about me all of the time. How could they love me and still put up with all of my self-absorbed crap.

After my “suicide attempt,” I finally decided that I might need some help. I went to my family doctor, crying of course. I told him that I had thoughts of suicide but didn’t tell him how far I had gone to make that happen. He prescribed some medication. Some of it made me feel like I was about to jump out of my skin, some gave me vivid weird dreams, but most just plain didn’t work. I kept going back to him… crying. This went on for 8 months or so.

One day he told me that I needed to see a professional in this field. I told him that I didn’t want to do that. He said something that made sense to me. “If you had to have brain surgery, I wouldn’t do it, I would refer you to a specialist.”

One of my friends at work was suffering from severe depression too. Her husband had left her. She was struggling to make it on her salary. Her health coverage did not cover much of the expense of seeing a therapist or the medications they prescribed. She was really in a bad way. But we all understood why.

But me? Why did I feel like this? I had a loving and supportive husband. I was blessed with two parents who loved me so much it hurt. I had good friends whom I had known for years and years. I had a beautiful house and a job that paid well and one that I actually enjoyed (to the extent I could enjoy anything). So why, why, why was I depressed? There was absolutely no good reason.

My friend at work had found a psychologist (therapist) whom she liked. I got her name and called and made an appointment.

I saw Dr. Janzen (my friend’s doctor) and on the first visit, I told her about my thoughts of suicide and how far I had gone with it. I was honest. She listened, made eye contact, asked me questions about my history and told me that my illness was serious. She wanted to help me. But I didn’t believe anyone could help me. I liked her though and made another appointment for the following week.

Dr. Janzen was my window into mental illness. I could wipe the glass from inside my dark room and see what was happening to me. The first several visits we talked about me (of course) but she also explained how depression works. It is very complex and circular. You can’t cope with everyday emotions and tasks so you don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t do anything and you feel worthless. And the downward spiral continues until you finally reach the bottom of the black hole. And I was at the bottom of the black hole. She tried to help provide me with some coping skills. “What do you enjoy.” Nothing. “When was the last time you did had fun.” I can’t remember. But we kept talking. (And she Never told me to do the Look In The Mirror therapy.)

After about a year or so, she told me that she could only do so much for me. She gave me some names of the psychiatrists that she had worked with before and trusted. I picked Dr. Stacy Siegle. I could not get an appointment with her right away.

I waited the few weeks until I could see Dr. Siegle, still visiting Dr. Janzen in the meantime.

I lucked out. Dr. Siegle was a woman that I liked right away. She was a “younger” woman and smiled a lot and I felt comfortable with her. We met for about an hour on the first visit. She took my history, asked pertinent and pointed questions. I answered them honestly. She confirmed what Dr. Janzen told me. I was sick. But between she and Dr. Janzen she made me believe that there may be hope.

She explained about depression and mania and how they physically work on the body. She told me that there are tons of anti-depressants available but they all work in different ways for different people. It usually takes months and months of “hit or miss” med therapy to find a combination that would work for me. I can’t even remember how many drugs and/or combinations we tried. But she stayed with me, did not give up, and kept giving me hope. She also told me to keep going to Dr. Janzen, which I did.

I called to make an appointment with Dr. Siegle one day and found out they she had joined another group which did not cover all of the cost of my visits with her. I was devastated. So I called another psychiatry group and made and appointment with another doctor. I hated him and the office. He barely listened to me. He handed me a prescription, told me to make another appointment and I was rushed out the door. I did not go back.

I finally came to the conclusion that no matter the monetary cost, Dr. Siegle was my doctor and I was worth the extra money it would cost to see her. (See how far I had come?) It turned out that, even though my health insurance didn’t would not allow the co-pay, they would pay for 80% of the cost of the visit. That was a rather pleasant surprise. We kept tweaking my meds. And after about 18 months finally stumbled upon a cocktail that seemed to be working for me. I am still on that cocktail and I fell better than I ever remember.

I am on anti-depressants (who isn’t these days), a mood-stabilizer (turns out I’m also hypomanic). Hypo-mania is not nearly as serious as manic/depressive. I don’t go out and spend tons of money, or quit my job to go explore the Amazon or make other huge life-decisions on a whim. I just have smaller mood swings. And I’m on an anti-anxiety drug that I take at night to help me sleep. It’s working.

But it took me years of help to get to this point. But don’t think for one moment that I didn’t have set backs and that during my ascent from the black hole I did not fall back. But since I had seen at least some progress, I kept trying. I stopped drinking beer (at least during the week) and I got better. Here is a “duh” moment. Alcohol is a depressant. And I was on anti-depressants. Stupid huh?

One of the most enlightening things I discovered during my recovery is that I can tell the difference between the blues and depression. I’ve learned what depression feels like and I don’t want to go back there. I also know my alcohol limits. I’m not sure yet if the hypomania triggers an increase in my alcohol consumption or if it’s the other way around. But I have learned how to recognize when it’s happening and I know when I need to cut back. Recognition is a huge step and one that signals significant improvement. Dr. Siegle and I are working on that.

It’s been an eye-opening journey. And one that has educated me on so many of the pitfalls and symptoms of depression.

I know that my story is not the same as others’ stories. We are all different right? But in the end, what I’ve learned is that there is hope. For everybody who has this crippling disease. But you have to get the right kind of help.

If you have to have brain surgery, don’t go to a podiatrist.

The those who want to comment, please do so. I am doing very well, even with the upheaval in my private life. In fact, the decisions I have made in that department have been some relief. I don’t require encouragement. I am already encouraged even though I am still doing some “tuning up.” If you want to leave a your own experiences or agreements or disagreements feel free.

This post is not for my benefit. I just wanted to share my story in an effort to provide hope to others who live in the black hole. Keeping your head down while you’re in the black hole is easy. Looking up to see the tiny pinpoint of light is hard. And the climb is even harder. But once you emerge, even though you may be standing on the precipice of the black hole, you get a glimpse of the outside world and will hopefully see that the long climb was worth it.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Roll Tide!

Recent graduates show their spirit.

Will blog as soon as I can!

Nothing big is happening....just a little busy!

Friday, November 10, 2006

A Little Bit Of This And That

What I've Learned From My Dogs

There are two phrases that I have finally come to understand in the last couple of months. We have two dogs in our house now. Scamper is our old dog and Dolly is the latest addition to our family.

I now know what “a bone of contention” is.

The bone of contention is now laying in my living room! It’s one of those rawhide chewy bones basted in beef broth. They don’t fight over it. They steal it while the other dog isn’t looking. We always have two, one for each of them. Scamp is usually the thief. It really is comical to watch. So I guess we really have two bones of contention!

And I know what it means when people say someone is “dogging your heels.”

When I’m at home, I usually (ok, always) wear house shoes. The kind that flop up and down when you walk. Dolly follows me around the house and is always so close on my heels that she continually steps on the backs of my house shoes when they flop down. I roll my eyes when she is dogging my steps but it is somewhat endearing and makes me remember that phrase and smile. She’s a knucklehead but a sweet knucklehead.

In Search Of Cute Shoes

Has the whole shoe industry completely lost their minds?! All I want is a pair of flat brown shoes that aren’t too casual. Believe me, I have looked. Shopped all of the stores and browsed every website that has shoes for sale.

I have two pair of brown flat shoes. I wear them with everything. I have had both of them for about 5 years or more. They are almost completely worn out and look worse than any shoe you will find at a thrift store. I am completely bumfuzzled about the whole “lack of cute, flat brown shoes.”

The search continues………….Or maybe I’ll just start my own shoe design company! (not)

Sigerson Morrison (Have no idea, but it rhymes)
$383.95 (You Gotta Be Kidding Me!)
Free Shipping Both Ways! (Very generous of them)

To Our Veterans:
Thank you.

My Expression Number Is 8

Driven and ambitious, you have the potential to reach great things. (Like the cookies on the top shelf?)
You're both good with money and good at getting things done quickly. (Looks at watch. How long is this gonna take?)
You are an excellent leader and a great judge of character. (I do know some characters, but I try not to judge others.)

Full of energy (never mind the two hour naps) and confidence, you undertake projects that seem impossible. (SEEM impossible?)
Dependable and determined, you are able to understand the bigger picture. (I don't know anything about art.)
Even if you are not in a position of power right now, it will fall to you. (Well that's just great...)

At times, you can be very materialistic - and obsessed with status and power. (Materialistic...Me? Goes to shop for shoes again.)
While this isn't always a bad thing, you sometimes take it to the extreme.
(Well I ain't payin' $383.95 for a pair of shoes....Even with the free shipping both ways.)
In order to be truly happy, you must balance the material and spiritual in your life. (I'm not a Weeble like Trav so I tip over a lot.)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Still Bloggin...

Just haven't had to time to compose a blog these last several days.... But I've been keeping up with all of you through your blogs!

Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

This Is Not A Rodeo....

It seems like forever since I posted to my blog...But I guess it's really only been a few days! My how time flies....

And it's that time of year!
Yep...It's the World Finals of the PBR!!

And I am going to clear up a few misconceptions about bull riding on the Professional Bull Riders circuit.

First.... Only the top bull riders allowed to ride on the Built Ford Tough PBR circuit. These cowboys are not the ones that show up on a rodeo weekend to ride a bull. This is what most of them do for a living. And it's boom or bust.

If you don't make the 8-second ride, you don't get paid. Most of the top riders, however, do have sponsors. I don't know what that pays...Maybe enough to cover traveling expenses. Yes, they have pay their own traveling expenses for each trip.

They don't have contracts like most professional athletes. It is a week to week living. I was watching football a few weeks ago and they announced that one of the starters would be out for a few weeks with a broken toe. Broken Toe?? Mike White broke is neck six months ago and is back on bulls. If you ain't hurt, you ain't riding. That's the fact of the matter.....Separated shoulders, sprained backs, broken riding hands, broken legs (yes, Justin McBride rode in the Finals two years ago with a broken leg), bumps, bruises, and stitches.

It's part of the game. And they do it because they love bull riding. You gotta "Cowboy Up" to make it on this circuit.

And raise your hand if you think this is cruel to the bulls? And if you believe that a rope is tied around the bulls genetilia. And if believe that they use a cattle prod to make them buck. And if you believe that they are raised in small pens on some back road....

All wrong...These bulls are as famous as the riders. Reindeer Dippin', Mossy Oak Mudslinger, Scene of the Crash, Big Bucks...

There is no "stimulation" to make these bulls buck. They are either buckers or they're not. As one stock contractor put it, "Would you perform if you have a rope tied around you genetalia?"

They are usually raised from calves by the stock contractors and are normally considered to be a part of the a dog that you take to a dog show. They are pampered and nurtured and well taken care of. Well, it's true, like it or not. These bulls buck to get the cowboys off their backs, and they love it.

One very famous bull (now retired) Little Yellow Jacket, used to try to get in the trailer to go to the events, even when they weren't gonna take him. He loved it. After he bucked off a cowboy, he would always turn around and look at the crowd and then stroll out through exit chute. He was not mean tempered, he never "went" for a cowboy once he was down.

They have their own personalities, some, like LYJ would usually do the same trip each time out...Two jumps and a turn to the left with a reverse thrown in there is the cowboy wasn't off by then...And he usually was. Some are rank...They will come after a cowboy, or anyone else that gets in the way, once the bothersome rascal is off his back. But usually injuries don't occur when you meet up with a rank bull.

That's where the bullfighters come in. NOT the rodeo clowns...the bullfighters. These guys know where the cowboy is and know where the bull is going. And know how to keep the bull off the cowboy. They run interference. I have seen bull fighters get between a 2,000 bull and a 150 pound cowboy to protect the rider. I have seen them literally cover up a downed cowboy with their own bodies in order to protect them from the bull. I have seen them do heroic things. Because they love it.

Gotta go! The broadcast of the finals is starting in one minute! Catch it on Vs. (Versus), the network formerly knows as OLN.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Laugh A Litttle!

After so many serious posts from my friends, I thought a little levity might be in order. Watch and laugh!

Happy Halloween!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure

The yard-sale saga just refuses to come to a conclusion. I have been getting my trash together for more than a month in anticipation of cleaning out of the extraneous crap that I have accumulated during the 5 years we have lived in this house.

And by the way, the stuff you accumulate is directly proportional to the amount of space you have to store more junk! We moved from a charming, 1100 square foot home to one more than twice that size. And have managed to fill it up. Aaaargh

Anyway…Hubby took this past Friday off in order to “get ready” for the yard sale we were supposed to have this Saturday. Well, no yard sale. Junk still sits in my dining room, in my garage, and anywhere else I have found to stash it. I have threatened to call the local charity to come and haul it all off. But Hubby wants to have a yard sale. OK. Maybe next weekend…

I have some fairly nice stuff I was going to put out for the yard sale, but felt like I was demoting it from treasure to junk without merit. I found a new and very charming consignment shop that recently opened and called the owner Friday. I told her about some of the stuff I thought she might be interested in taking on consignment. She sounded excited about my treasures. I’m gonna separate those out and take them to her next week. More fun than throwing them in the driveway at a price that I’m sure is lower than some others would be willing to pay.

And the thrift store is just down the road. I think that I might be able to buy some really cool things there and make money putting them in her shop! I love stuff like that!

Will post updates on the Trash to Treasure adventures when they are warranted.

Thanks for reading my Lame-Ass blog! (lol)

(Ooh...think I'll go check out e-bay....The ultimate Trash to Treasure store.)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My Alabama

I am stealing this from a post by Chicken&Waffles from GrayCharles. This poem evokes so much visceral imagery for me. And I’m blessed enough to get to see my Alabama everyday.

Daybreak in Alabama

When I get to be a composer
I’m gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I’m gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I’m gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I’m gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.
-Langston Hughes


And the Who Gives A Shit story of the day…


A mystery It's keeping me awake at night is growing around Britney Spears' second baby She's already had a baby?.It was widely reported that on Sept. 12 I musta missed that headline, Spears gave birth to a baby boy that she named Sutton Pierce. Spears has not confirmed those reports I've been calling and calling her, but she still won't tell me, and pics of little Sutton have yet to surface waiting on pins and needles for these photos. Sources tell the Scoop that may be because there is no Sutton Pierce Spears Federline Does this mean she didn't really have a baby??.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Taylor's Favorite - Fox Valley Restaurant And watch the Cat Herding video

Hubby and I went to eat at Fox Valley earlier this evening. As I left FBB chat, I told everyone there that I was going to eat at Taylor's favorite restaurant. Dana asked if we were going to Waffle House...Although I do like Waffle House, especially in the wee hours of the morning after imbibing more than my share of wimpy American Beer, it was Fox Valley Restaurant.

From the article in People Magazine:

Favorite restaurant:"Fox Valley, about a 10-minute drive from Birmingham."

I thought some of you might be interested in finding out more about so I found their website and am posting it here.

By the way, Taylor's favorite meal there is Steak and Cake. It happens to be my favorite too.

Tonight we sat at the bar and ate. I had a Crab Cake, a delicious Mixed Greens Salad, and a glass of white wine.

This is a really interesting restaurant. First of all, it's attached to an old but still open Shell gas station in a very non-descript run-down strip mall (if you can even call it that). It is located at the one red light in Maylene (population 3,887) . If you don’t know where to look, you won’t find it.

The decor is upscale without being snooty: linen table clothes, soft lighting, knowledgeable staff, great wine list, and a small bar in with one can enjoy a cigarette.

If you are ever in the Birmingham area, it’s well worth finding.

Fox Valley
Sample Dinner Menu

cream of potato soup with apple-wood bacon 4.50 6.50

roasted red pepper beer cheese soup 4.50 6.50

maryland style crab cake with brown garlic butter 8.50

fried blue crab claws with cocktail sauce 8.25

mushroom, cheese and spinach filled ravioli, simmered in
alfredo sauce with jumbo lump crab meat 8.50

beer batter fried U-10 diver scallops,
jumbo gulf shrimp and onion rings with baja sauce 10.25

char grilled jumbo gulf shrimp with drawn butter 8.50

fried stuffed mirliton pirogue filled with
sautéed shrimp and smoked sausage; hollandaise 8.50

fried green tomatoes with jumbo gulf shrimp, (two steamed, two fried);
fresh herb tartare sauce 8.75

pezze della nonna - tender pasta “kerchiefs filled with ricotta, mozzarella, fontina and spinach, baked in béchamel, topped with fresh tomato basil sauce 7.75

house salad - bleu cheese, ranch, greek, herb or raspberry vinaigrette 3.00

mixed greens with bananas, fresh berries, mandarin oranges,
pine nuts, goat cheese, raspberry vinaigrette 4.75

greek salad – with feta, kalamata olives, tomato, cucumber and greek peppers 4.50

baked gratin of potatoes with buttered parmesan bread crumbs 3.50

fried eggplant rounds with creole sauce and parmesan 3.50

steamed fresh asparagus with hollandaise 4.00

served with a house salad

pan fried pork tenderloin scaloppine stuffed with three cheeses,
proscuitto and fresh sage; tomato mushroom marsala sauce 17.75

char grilled 16 oz. new york strip with merlot butter and sautéed mushrooms 23.75

slow braised lamb shank with butter mashed sweet potatoes
and burgundy pan gravy 16.25

steak and cake – char grilled filet mignon and maryland style crab cake
with brown garlic butter 24.75

carpetbagger steak - char grilled filet mignon stuffed with
fried apalachicola oysters; sauce choron 23.75

maryland style crab cake entrée with brown garlic butter 19.25

baked stuffed grouper imperial - jumbo lump crab, gulf shrimp,
diver scallops and mushrooms 23.00

salmon en croute - north atlantic salmon fillet baked in puff pastry,
with sauce béarnaise 16.75

paneed macadamia nut crusted scamp fillet with passion fruit
honey mustard butter 18.75

blackened yellowfin tuna over creole sauce, topped with
cajun fried popcorn shrimp; hollandaise 19.00

pecan fried flounder fillet served with shrimp etouffée and rice 17.75

paneed horseradish crusted salmon fillet, char grilled jumbo gulf shrimp;
brown butter balsamic vinaigrette 18.00


Saturday, October 21, 2006

I will write my thoughts now while I am still angry, but will probably edit them later I’m sure.

I went to the local bar tonight to hear a band that I really like. Phil & Walon (and a drummer, which makes the band, Daddy Longlegs).

Anyway. My husband and I haven’t acted married in about 4 months now. Yes, we still live together. But he goes his way… And so far…. I have gone No Way.

Until tonight…Damn him…I was at the bar listening to and enjoying Phil and Walon. And talking to Walon and some friends between sets. Then who shows up acting all married and shit… my “husband”.

Now that just pissed me off! I was having a nice conversation and flirting with Walon (whom I know by the way) and my “husband” shows up and starts giggling and rubbing my shoulders and shit…

Well. Walon hit the road…. moved to another table…I am so mad right now…

I know that he sees (has sex with) other (who knows how many) women. And I can’t even get a night alone to enjoy a band I like and, perhaps flirt with a cute guy…



"The Next Morning"

Ok...I'm not mad anymore. (And thank you for your sweet comment Coco.) I got home before Joe last night and just vented (see rant above).

I want to preface this by telling you that Joe has never, ever even come close to hitting me, is never verbally demeaning to me in any way, either in public or private, and does truly care about me....And we do love each other and tell each other that. But it just so happens that we make better roommates than we do a married couple.

He knew I was mad and asked (in the typical fashion that men do) "Are you mad at me?"


We talked about why I was mad. No voices were raised and after I explained how I felt, we actually laughed about the way he acted. He apologized and said that he didn't mean to cramp my style. I laughed and said "Hell, I don't even have a style anymore!" We talked some more about our situation, laughed some more, went to our separate bedrooms and to sleep...Not angry.

I made my point, he got it, and today is a beautiful fall day in Alabama.

Anyway......I hope everyone has a good day today. (And please, oh please, let my Tide team beat those Vols!)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

What Does "Being Myself" Mean?

I sometimes check out my horoscope. I thought tomorrow's 'scope was particularly interesting.

You see, tomorrow night I am going to our local dive/dump to hear a band that I really like…Daddy Longlegs. You may have heard me mention Phil and Walon before. Absolutely talented and entertaining. I will post a review and (hopefully) a video in a couple of days.

I normally go alone to watch them perform and usually sit by myself and enjoy the show. (Sorta makes me feel like a stalker!) I will know, or be acquainted with most of the people there.

In my post, Outside Looking In, I talk about how I usually feel like I’m not really a part of the “party.”

But this horoscope made me to go “hmmm…”
If you find yourself trying to prove that you have something valuable to offer, it might be better to think this through first. Chances are you're naturally friendly, and get along with almost anyone. This may already be strength for you, and you probably have something great to bring to a crowd. Consider being yourself and not always trying to feel a part of things. Start by looking at your qualities to prove your worth to yourself.
I wonder what "being myself" means? Whatever it is, I guess I'll try it out tomorrow night!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

More Picture To Make You ::THUD::

"Songs Don't Have Styles" - John Mayer

John Mayer on CMT Crossroads with one of the very best sing/songwriter/pickers in music today.

AND scroll down for the long-anticipated "Mutton Bustin" video!

And today was a better day!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Where Was My Good Thing Today?

This is a little embarrassing after my "Good Thing" post yesterday.

I began today with that the same mantra..."Something good is going to happen today."

Ya know, sometimes you just have one of those days....I kept looking for my good thing for the day, the one that makes me smile from the inside.

Maybe on the days that you really need to find it, it's there but you just don't see it. Or maybe it's not really there at all and you just have to find a way to move through the day. Who knows.

Anyway, it's 9:30 pm. I'm gonna check some blogs, pop in to chat, and see what happens.

The day's not quite over yet.

And an update on my prospective home building plans. I called the City of Montevallo today to ask about the easement issues relating to access to the lot I have been looking at.

At about 9:30 this morning, I left a message on the voice mail of the City Clerk to call me. I know that these things can be rather messy issues, and I really didn't expect anyone to call me back. After all, when you have v/m you're allowed to ignore it until either it goes away, or you finally relent and call back.

I waited until 1:30 and called back. I asked for Amy Feger and the clerk said that she was not available and offered to take a "real" message (my words, not her’s) for me rather than putting me through to her voice mail again. I declined and left her another v/m.

Surprisingly enough, she did call me back and was very pleasant; asking relevant questions and actually looking though maps while she was on the phone with me. I had that whooped puppy voice today so maybe she felt sorry for me.

I can't help it when I have those whooped puppy voice days. They just happen. And I usually don't get the help I'm looking for, because, after all, if I sound like I'm gonna give up that quickly, why not just pass me off to someone else's voice mail?

Oh well. She said she would check into it and call me back. She sounded sincere, but we'll see what happens.

Maybe the fact that she returned my call at all IS my good thing for today. It just didn't make me smile from the inside.


(Yep.......I edited this part out...........................)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Monday, October 16th's Good Thing...

A few months ago, I decided to start everyday by saying to myself:

"Something good is going to happen today."
Usually I remember to say this to myself while I'm driving to work. This makes me LOOK for the good things. They can be very small but very good.

So even though the day is not yet over, I am going to post my "something good" for this day.

Today it rained. Which was good. I went out to the piece of property I've been looking at to check on the drainage issue. Didn't rain hard enough today to really see how the water runs off. There is a low spot in the middle of the property so I'll have to check it out again. Maybe it'll rain some more tonight.

And I saw a hawk on a power line looking for lunch. They are so cool!

And I read some awesome blogs that were all about "good things"!

So far, today's been a good day!

OH! And I just read the interview with Taylor on GCs blog!!! This day just keeps getting better and better!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

My Nieces....

These are my nieces...
Biggest: Sadie Lynne
My dad once said that it is disconcerting riding down the road with a child in the back seat who has a higher IQ than you do.
My Mom and Dad's first grandchild.
Sadie Lynne once told her "other grandmother":
"I love Grandfather the best. No wait...I love God first, then Grandfather."
I told him, not too shabby, being second only to God.
Needless to say, they are completely in love with each other.
Second Biggest: Adelaide Rose
If Sadie Lynne is the Valedictorian, Adelaide is the Prom Queen.
This girl loves shoes...And I don't mean little girl shoes...I mean high heeled shoes. She walks around in my mother's shoes all day. She wears high heals better than I do, for the love of all that's fashionable.
For her birthday last year, her Mom, Shannon, took here to the mall and Adelaide tried on shoes...And not the little girl kind.
The Littlest: Ruby Beth (aka Ru-Ru)
The first few times I saw her, she screamed whenever I entered the room. Needless to say I was developing a significant "Aunt" complex.
I don't know her as well as I do the first two. But she has the weirdest and funniest facial expressions!

Mutton Bustin' -- This is too cute!!

Tiny bull riders in training!

You have to be younger than 6-years-old and under 40-pounds to ride -- but
it's a trip the young and adventuruous will never forget.
It's called mutton bustin'.

That's where kids ride sheep like bulls and they get more points the longer
they can hold on.

Mutton bustin' started at the Travis Country Fair and Rodeo five years ago.
The event was so popular last year that dozens of disappointed youngsters had to be turned away.

But on Monday, more than 30 young cowboys and cowgirls saddled up on a sheep and clung to it like their lives depended on it.

The rodeo gave away trophies for first, second and third place finishes.

By Shelton Green / KVUE NewsBy Shelton Green / KVUE News

I Am Determined To Recruit You!

Here's a pretty good summary of the PBR.........

And here's a funny video of a newcaster trying to find out "Why 8 Seconds?"


You will get periodic updates, whether you want them or not! :)
George Lucas In Love

If you know Star Wars.........You will love this!

(Have I become the mad blogger?)

You may now post comments to my blog (I think!).

Friday, October 13, 2006

This One Must Be Shared!

A House For Me

I'm thinking about building a home.

My husband and I are (eventually) going to sell our house and, as many of you know, will more than likely be living separately.

Since I can't find a home that remotely appeals to me, I might buy a lot that I have my eye on and build a house.

Tell me what you think! Vote when you post your comment.....






Thursday, October 12, 2006

Outside Looking In

Why do I always feel like I'm on the Outside Looking In?

Even when I'm with people I love, I still feel this way. And I don't like it.

I always seem to be on the fringes of life.

I try to be on the Inside. I really do.

It sucks. Everything seems to swirl around me, without ever touching me. Conversations, friends, family.

I guess it's because I hold back. Do I hold back? I must.

What a bunch of crap. I'm not clever enough to hold any one's attention. People seem to talk around me. Why is that? I try to join in but once again.........talked around.

I hate it.

Maybe I'm not "engaging" enough. Too stunted.

I can be entertaining sometimes, I guess. But I don't seem to be able to add much to conversations. I think I'm amusing occasionally. But apparently I'm not as amusing enough.

I try....I really do. Don't get offended or defensive please....but even in FBB chat, I don't seem to be able to hold anyone attention or get "chatted up". Please don't try extra hard the next time I visit. It will only make me feel more ..... needy.

And I'm not needy. I very self-sufficient. Maybe too self-sufficient.

Anyway......Dana has issues with her self-esteem apparently but I love her so much. And I guess I have issues with feeling like I'm on the Outside Looking In.

Left Behind....

I have been left behind in the cloud of thick dust as technology has sped away from me!

Once upon a time, I could hook up a VCR AND set it!

I could set up a new computer and it would work.

I could set the timer on the stove without all of the beeping buttons.

I have just spent 1 and 1/2 hours trying to set up this blog site!

Now we have HD Cable (with the requisite set-top b0x), a surround sound theater system, a DVD player/recorder, a large screen TV, and a Playstation. The sheer miles and maze of wiring behind the "entertainment" center is not entertaining in the least. We have FOUR remotes to operate the television!

Wire color-coded connections leading from the cable wall outlet to the TV, to the Cable Box, back to the TV, into the surround sound system, out of the surround sound system back to the DVD player/recorded and then out to the TV and so on and so on and so on.........

I'm tellin' ya, the Griswold's Christmas looks like a pedal-car compared to our Ferrari of wires.

Please send me in a time machine back to 2001!!


Me at Five Points South