I Miss My Old Life

I am constantly fighting demons. i miss my old life.

Joe and I divorced over a year ago. And the loss is bone-crushingly, heart-breakingly the end of the best part of my life.

People tell me, "You'll meet someone else." But right now, I don't want to. I want to stay in my little home and live with myself.

It's too hard, too gut-wrenching to put myself out there. I've done it a few times, and all I've gotten were more broken hearts. And my heart has taken all it can stand right now.

I miss having someone who loves me, who takes care of me, who makes me laugh, who will snuggle with me, and who understands me.

We built a life together and now it's gone.

We built our dream home where we planned to live out the rest of our lives, and now it's gone.

He's moved on and I tell myself I'm happy for him. But I'm also hurt. He gave me emotional security, a feeling that I was worth something, the illusion that I was beautiful, a sense of financial security, and the encouragement to carry on. Now all of it is gone.

We had very difficult times, but I suppose all marriages do. Why didn't I work harder at it? Why didn't he work harder at it?

I truly believe that the connection we had was a once in a lifetime event. But I...we...threw it all away like the previous 25 years did not matter.

My soul-mate, my best friend, my biggest supporter. And I believe if you ask him, he will say the same things about me.

When I just gave up on our marriage, I gave up on everything good in my life.

And I will never be able to recapture that again. How sad.

Like I've said before, it was like getting this beautiful gift from God and just throwing it back in his face.

As Sam solemnly and sincerely said to Diane on the sitcom "Cheers"... Have a good life.

Joe, you are truly one of the really good people on this earth. I was privileged to be a part of your life.