Friday, December 18, 2009

They Call Some The Breeze

Well, here I go again.

I wish I was one of those amazingly cheery and humorous bloggers. And, I admit, sometimes I am.

But mostly I post when I feel...Just when I feel. Something.

I wonder why life is a hard thing for some people and a breeze for others. What is it that distinguishes the two?

I so want to be one of those breezers. One of those lucky people who can soar on just the whisper of a wind and rise higher and higher and higher.

Is it something you are genetically gifted with? Or something that you learn? Or something you don't even realize you have?

One thing is for sure. Those who can't catch those breezes wind up, feet firmly on the ground, watching those lucky others circle higher and higher, seeming without a care.

Oh how I wish with all of my body and soul that I could be one of those risk takers, dreamers who believe that their dreams will come true for them, a person that is not so grounded in the quicksand of reality that no matter how far I hold out my arms, I don't have the feathers necessary to take flight.

How blissful that feeling would be.

I can only imagine.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I'm so very sad.

He hates me.

Nothing but a friend.

Had a misunderstanding.

Can't straighten it out.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

Wish I didn't.

Hate him sometimes.

I miss my friend so much.

Trying to hate him more.

I miss my friend so much.

Makes it easier to move on.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I hate myself for doing whatever I did.

I miss my friend so much.

Will just keep crying I guess.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

God Given Talent and Unlimited Possibilities

I have a friend. He is one of those people who is charismatic, brilliant, talented, and doesn’t have a clue how blessed he is.

Well maybe a small clue.

He’s finishing up his degree in business and feels a strong obligation and drive to find a “real job” in the “real world”.

I keep telling him that he will hate it. Being cooped up in a small office or worse yet, a tinier cubicle, processing paperwork all day. A job that won’t allow him explore his unlimited potential. A job that will stifle his creativity and free spirit and will probably leave him unfulfilled.

Can’t he see that his possibilities are unlimited? That the world deserves more than another mortgage broker or investment counselor? That he has the ability to make contributions that would enrich our world and more importantly his?

I’ve listened to him brainstorm about business ventures he would like to undertake. Jobs that he would like to have. The money he wants to make. He has high aspirations and is confident enough to make them happen.

None of the ideas I have heard will let him use the unbounded creativity or his charismatic personality. I find that offensive and odious.

My friend has a gift. One that I cannot even imagine possessing. He is talented. But the word talent isn’t big enough to describe what he has.

He is a music man. A songwriter, a singer, a musician, an entertainer with words and a voice that can break your heart or lift your spirits. Oh what is must be like to have those extraordinary gifts.

These are gifts that God gave him.

He didn’t have to take years of lessons or spend hours of tedious practice to be able to do what he does. A God given gift is one that comes naturally and one that you cannot be happy without using.

The following story is more revealing than even he knew. I have never seen him as excited as he was on this particular day.

He has his own recording equipment. A few weeks ago he bought a new piece of equipment to add to his studio. He was practically jumping up and down at the prospect of using it. Rubbing his hands together like he couldn’t wait to use those hands to create more music. And smiling like the sun was shining through him. It made me happy to see him so excited.

So I asked him, “Has anything made you this excited lately? This idea of making music you’ve not been able to make before?” Of all of his lofty business-minded goals, this one piece of $200 equipment made him the most energized I have seen him. Music is his passion. The thing that brings him the most joy.

And I wonder why he cannot see that about himself?

Why can’t he see that when I can see it so clearly it makes my heart ache?

The thing that is most insulting to me is that I would give almost anything to possess that kind of talent and passion.

It makes me wonder how God doles out talent. Why does he bestow that much creativity, and the ability to use it, upon some and none to others? Do those who possess this ability take it for granted? I think almost all of them do. Offensive.

To listen to him expound on the many business ventures he has thought of makes heart sink. I hate him.

I hate him for having these incredible gifts that God so generously granted him. And I hate him for not using them. It’s like throwing this priceless thing back in God’s face or putting it in a drawer.

I love the sound of music being made. It is one of the things that entrances, amazes, and depresses me all at the same time. Nothing makes me happier than to have him sit in my living room, or on the porch, inventing funny songs or leading a sing-along, or hearing him discover particular riffs that I can’t get out of my head.

I know he’s gone through the “gig” thing. But with such unlimited potential and talent and drive, isn’t there some kind of job, some kind of opportunity that would allow him to share his enriching, spirit-lifting, joyful, heart-breaking, special, rare, and enviable gifts with all of us? It’s just plain selfish to keep that to himself.

Just plain selfish.

I love him and hate him at the same time.