Passion??

Ok....This has been getting under my skin for a long time. This is the reason I stopped watching the Oprah Winfrey show.

Apparently every single one of us Must Have a Passion in life. If you don't have a passion, you don't have anything to live for. (Very loosely paraphrasing the all-knowing Oprah.)

I believe the only reason we're here is to find out what we love…and get about the business of living it!" —
Oprah

Now, I don't particularly have a passion. A passion like writing, skydiving, crafting, decorating, making sushi, building boats, growing organic (or any other type) of vegetable.

So I assume that the almighty Oprah has decided that I do not have a reason to be here.

The following is a mantra for Oprah:

True happiness comes when you "do" what you're most
passionate about. You have gifts to give to the world. So, what's holding you
back? Break though your fear, overcome your obstacles, and start pursuing your
passion today...

Interpolating from this statement, I will never find "true happiness" because I don't have anything that I am truly passionate about.

Truthfully, I am doing good to get through the day. Maybe I'm passionate about 4:30 when I can leave work.

Here are some "encouraging" but very obtuse words of wisdom:

Choose One Idea to Pursue
Don't let having too many ideas keep you from taking action. There are no "perfect" ideas, so just start somewhere. If you feel like you're still looking for your passion, follow these five steps.

Ok. Surely these steps will help me find my passion.

Brainstorm
Because it's easy to feel creatively blocked or paralyzed by fear, one of the best ways to overcome your obstacles is to call upon the wisdom of others in a brainstorming session. (Do I even know wise people? Wise asses maybe. So exactly what are we supposed to brainstorm about??? Very informative piece of advice Oprah.)Learn how to brainstorm and see how three women overcame their obstacles with this exercise. (Three whole women overcame their obstacles! Wooooooo!)

Find Encouragement
Put an insurance policy in place by finding two or three people to encourage and support your efforts. (Efforts in what exactly? Pursuing your unknown and brow furrowing "passion"?) Turn to these people when you feel afraid, frustrated, resigned or excited about your progress! When you feel afraid (and you will) find support. Follow six steps to create a Passion Support Group. (A what?? Is that like AA?)

Take the Leap
Once you have an idea and a plan of action, it's time to do something immediately. Take one step towards your passion right now. (AGAIN with the passion!!) Sign up for a class, write a poem, find a mentor or schedule a brainstorming group today. Write down your goals in your journal. (My goal is to win the lottery. Now, help me do that Passion Support Group.)

What steps are you taking to pursue your passion? (Yet more passion!) Share your achievements and stumbling blocks. Help others on the road to pursuing their passions.

That is the main reason I finally quit watching Oprah. I felt inadequate after watching one her shows. So I don't have a passion. Big Deal. Does that make me any less a person? Maybe it does, I dunno. All I know is that talking about finding your passion is easier said than done!

If anybody has any suggestions, please let me know! I'd hate to let Oprah down!

(Ok....Maybe my one passion is Taylor)

Oxymoron for the day...

Wireless Router

Wireless. Really??

Sub-Contractors are like a......

...box of chocolates. Ya never know whut chere gonna get.

I bought a house for me once we sold our home.

It is 3 levels. I only live on the main floor. One bedroom, one tiny bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room the size of a postage stamp. And I don't mean the really pretty postage stamps with flowers and hearts and superheros on then. I mean the plain old postage stamps.

So I've been doing some remodeling. I've had part of the wall separating the living room from the kitchen partially removed. I had a work shed installed in my back yard. I've had someone come over to put a tin roof on my back deck and build a couple of gates so my dog could go out on the back porch. I've hired and fired the guy I picked to retile the tub surrounds.

Right now I am living in a cloud of sheetrock and other various dust particles. I believe this dust might just kill me before the cigarettes do!

Needlesss to say, most of the work I've had done is sub-par. But I have figured out the modis-operindi of the sub-contractor. They stay around indefinitely, sometimes showing up and sometimes skipping it all together. The whole point of this is to finally wear you down. They stay and stay supposudly working on your project until you have finally had enough. Then you tell them to Get Out! Not caring if the job is finished or the work is well done. I truly believe that this tactic is covered in the appendix of the Sub-Contractors Manual. If I could only find a copy, I could prove my theory.

I can't expound on all of the renovation issues in this blog. But I'm thinking about writing a book which divulges the method to their madness. It is however, a brilliant way to ditch an undesirable project. Expecially with some chick that has an eye for detail. Subs Hate that.

One very bright spot that shines like the sun on a spring day. I hired a friend of mine to finish the tile work. He has taken on the job and done it beautifully. Working long and hard to cover all of the "details" I found that were not up to par. He has worked long past the agreed upon quote ran out. All he wants to do is make me happy. To him it is a challenge to see if he can do the job just like I want it. What a God send.

Anyhoo. That's my lame-ass blog for now.

I miss all of you so much and I promise to read your blogs on a more frequent basis. After all, I'm Dana's biggest fan, Trav knows my undeniable weakness for the knee-thingy, Am is, well, Am and I love her beyond reason, Robin & Wayne have been friends when I needed friends, and So Many Others that mean a great deal to me. I've been missing out on keeping up with your lives. But I will give it the old college try to get back into the swing again.

Don't forget about me. I've haven't forgotten about you.

Toodles!

Ahem...Hello....Anybody out there??

Just checkin'!

Been bloggin a little on myspace but will try to update here too.

So much I need to catch up on!

Oh and by the way I....

oops I'm late! gotta get ready for work!

Toodles!

I'm a-blogging....

Hi all y'all!!!!
I am blogging for the first time in Months!

All is going well for me.

The big new is....

Oh crap. I have to take the dog out!

Stay tuned for more insightful musings.

Toodles!!

Heartbreak

So many of my friends here have suffered so much more heart ache than I have. So many have lost loved ones, seen a much loved family member or friend struggle with pain, watched and waited helplessly as someone dear to them gradually losses their memory, held their child's hand as they go though the sometimes painful process of growing up and moving on. I am lucky and blessed that my family and loved ones are well.

But yet my heart is breaking. I can actually feel it in my chest as it comes apart. It feels like someone has reached in and squeezed it so it is bruised and has cut it, not through and through, but just enough so that it is barely hanging together by a tiny, fragile thread.

My husband and I sold our house.

We put the house on the market in order to live in separate households when it sold. Now the reason for us living together is gone.

I miss him already. I cannot imagine sitting alone in another house knowing that he is not going to be calling me to let me know that he is running late or is on his way home.

I have always known that, no matter what is happening, he will always come home.

I miss hearing him sing funny songs to the dogs. I miss the smell of the house after he showers and gets dressed. I miss hearing him whistle in the morning. I miss hearing his voice on the phone asking me if I would like for him to pick me up something to eat on his way home. I miss getting daily hugs and being able to tell each other "I love you". I miss kissing him goodbye in the morning while he is still in bed. And each morning before I go to work, he tells me I look beautiful even though I don't feel beautiful. I miss him pointing out deer or turkeys or some other wild thing to me knowing that it makes me smile to see them. I miss him telling me about a new colt that was just born on a farm nearby so I can be sure to ride by and see it on it's wobbly legs. I miss knowing that, if I need to, I can sit with him in his big chair and he will put his arms around me. I miss him telling me "Thank You" for doing things that I should do willing anyway, like vacuuming the floors or washing his clothes or putting fresh sheets on his bed. I miss the notes he used to leave me where he drew pictures of an eye, a heart, and a ewe for I Love You.

He has done so much more for me than I have done for him. He has given me so much more than I have given to him.

Even though we have been walking separate paths the past several months, they have always run side-by-side. I always knew that if I looked over, I would see him there watching over me. Now our paths are widening apart and I know that if I look for him I will find him. But the comfort of his presence and love will no longer be within arms reach.

He is a good man.

I miss him already.

My heart is breaking.

Dang!

I just checked my blog and saw that I had SIX comments! Someone out there is checking my lame-ass blog!

(And I did go btw......But that's another blog altogether.)

Smooches!

As The Clash asked....should I stay or should I go

ACM(NTH) is playing in Montgomery Saturday night. If I dress in disguise, do you think I could get away with just listening to the music????? If I PROMISE not to make a fool of me or ACM(NTH). Please Please give me permissions! (Except for Am...I know I won't get permissions from her!)

Want good music in my life. NEED good music in my life. Don't need acm(nth). Just his music.

Permission granted or denied. Not that I will necessaily take your advice....but thought I'd get input if anybody is reading my lame ass blog!

The Knee Things

Paging Travis......Paging Travis.....Travis please pick up on the white phone.

I am in desparate need of Travis to visit FBB again. I miss the magic foxhole with the wonderful supply of leather jackets, harps, etc.

And the knee thingy. I am having withdrawals!

The Humane Society

It's official. My house has turned into an animal shelter.

We now have three dogs and a cat.

And when I say dogs, I don't mean the little fluffy kind that greet you when you get home and will sit with you quietly on the couch or bed while you are relaxing after a long day at work.

Oh No. I mean the kind of dogs that weigh 60-70 pounds and are still growing. I mean the kind of dogs that you just can let loose in the yard because they have not properly trained (yet). And when they are not on a leash and unsupervised, they have to stay in their kennels...which are In The House. They are currently taking up approximatly 40 square feet of my laundry room. And with the dogs/dog kennels in the house, hair follows.

And I don't mean a few stray hairs here and there. I mean that the amount of hair that ends up in my house daily could easily be woven into a room size rug. It is a battle I cannot win. And one, in fact, that I have given up on winning.

and I am sick and tired of it. i am sick of training them. taking them out to the bathroom every few hours on a leash. sick of trying to keep them from tying up with each other. sick of trying to keep them from tying up with other furry mammals. sick of ..... just sick of all of it.

All I every wanted was just a dog. One dog. A dog that is not smarter than me. A dog that is as lazy as I am. A dog that doesn't require 24 hour supervision.

In fact, I'm thinking about moving out of my house and moving into our local animal shelter.

Levity

:)

Lessons

I have learned.

I have learned that when you enter a relationship "just for sex", it only makes you whore. And when a woman-of-a-certain-age makes that decision, it makes her not only a whore, but a pathetic whore.

A whore does not get or deserve respect from her sex partner. It's understandable. That is what makes her a whore.

Why bother taking time to find out what she thinks, what she feels, what makes her laugh and cry. They are both are getting exactly what was agreed upon. Just sex.

It doesn't keep her from being lonely. I've learned that, ironically, makes her lonelier.

I've learned that whores do not get their hands held tenderly. They do not get lingering hugs or sweet kisses. They do not sit at tables with their partners, leaning in toward one anther to talk and laugh the way lovers do. The are not introduced to friends. The are not invited to spend the night after a tryst. So they go home, or are left, to sleep alone. Since a she and her partner are not lovers, whores do not get the privilege of going to sleep in another's arms.

I've learned that men do not take a whore to a public place. If they happen to run into each other in a public place, she is ignored, and rightly so. I've been told that if it is known that he is fucking a whore, it would scare off women with whom he may possibly want to develop a more meaningful relationship. Of course, any relationship above the whore-level is a more meaningful relationship.

If a whore is delusional enough be hope for more, she will do and say things that humiliate herself. But even worse, those things humiliate her partner too. Whores that want more from the arrangement will cling to the hope that one day, he will realize that she is respectable enough, interesting enough, witty enough, to warrant more than an orgasm.

I've learned that when a woman-of-a-certain-age decides to become a whore, the fault for any and all heartache, tears, rage, and humiliations suffered by her or her partner lays squarely on her shoulders. The reason I believe this is because I've learned that men do not make women whores, women do that to themselves.

This has been a really important lesson for me. One which I have, fortunately, not had to learn until this point in my life. I hope it "takes." Thank you to all of my friends who have done their best to tutor me through this lesson. But it is one that I had to learn for myself. And even though the lesson has been learned, I cannot say that I will pass the test.

The following lyrics ironically came to mind after I wrote this post:

Lonely women make good lovers
They're all at mercy of a good lookin' smooth talkin' man
Lonely women make good lovers
So if you got a woman better treat her just as good as you can

Lots of times a lonely girl will go out on the town
With no thought of evil on her mind
She don't try to plant bad seeds
But there's something every woman needs
And a friendly smile will tempt her every time

Once a woman's tasted love she can't live without it
She'll search for something warm when she gets cold
And if her lips are wet with wine when it comes to lovin' time
She'll trade her pride for something warm to hold

-Writers: Freddy Weller, Spooner Oldham
-1972 Careers Music, BMI

Robbie Amonett

It's not called Bull Ridin', it's called Rodeoin'.

Get a mental picture of a cross between the most commonly known image of Jesus and Bo Bice and you have Robbie Amonett.

He's rodeoed all over the country. And has tattoos of some of his rides. He once scoured the parking lot of a Wal-Mart to gather the funds to enter a rodeo. He picked up $90. And won $5000.

Gotten stranded in Oregon by accepting a (one-way) plane ticket from an internet girlfriend who was (unbeknownst to him) married. Since he had $5 in his pocket and couldn't afford the plane ticket home, she "kept him" (as she fully intended) for a few months while he saved up money to get back home.

He has worked as a welder off shore and on. While working off-shore, he discovered a talent for art by copying the most prolific art on the boat; pornography. He drew pictures, cut them out and covered the wall with them. His boss came into his quarters one day and told him he should go to college to study art. And here he is in Montevallo, studying art. He also has a business degree.

He once accepted a plane ticket from a former boss to go to the Virgin Islands to work. He lived there for a year building a casino at St. Croix.

He's written humorous poetry about the life he lived while he was rodeoing. Traveled with Chris Shivers and attended a bull riding camp put on by Tuff Hedeman. He's been to Brazil to study with Adriano Moraes and other Brazilian riders.

Old love letters and pictures of him as a kid, photos of his family, old girlfriends, of his bull riding days, and various other memorabilia fill his photo albums.

The apartment he lives in is three rooms in a basement. There is no TV, no internet service, no phone (other than his cell). His music is played on a turn table with albums purchased for 50 cents from the thrift store. His power bill is $29 per month.

Smiles come easily, and laughter too. Mild mannered and a Southern Gentleman, as he calls himself.

He has lived in San Diego, Ft. Worth, Mississippi, Oregon (see above), the Virgin Islands (see above again), and other places I haven't learned about yet.

He's been married before, and divorced a year later. He found out his wife was having an affair beginning two weeks after they were married. In his words, with a laugh he tells me "At least somebody was gettin' some. ‘Cause I sure wasn't".

He is a vegetarian. but does not condemn those who are not. He, in fact, called me a smart ass when I offered him some bacon once.

One week he camped at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

He was a roadie for a band for about a year. Traveling all over the southeast. He has just started playing bass guitar for a band and which has their first gig in a few weeks.

Tonight he made shadow puppets on the ceiling using a candle and a wine bottle opener and made me laugh out loud.

Smoking dope should not be illegal according to him. One should be able to grow their own for personal use. With which I do not disagree.

He has a kitten named Nugget who has the run of the house.

There is no door to his bedroom. Only hanging "hippie beads." And he has a Glade Air Freshener that lights up with different colors. Says he might get some more just for the fun of it.

The fridge does not have any beer or alcohol. Soy milk and Cherrywine colas.

He's lived in the hayloft of various barns and other sundry places.

Today he purchased a book about building a house out of organic materials and wants to live independent of the confines of those things commonly taken for granted today. His plan is to be completely self-sufficient so, as he says, when the end time comes, he won't have to depend on anyone to supply his needs.

He has lived more in his 31 years than I will ever live in my lifetime.

Robbie is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. I will, one day, persuade him to put his stories to paper.

Introducing Chet Atkins....

I love the sound of music being made............

Georgia On My Mind




Danny Boy

Hum...What Do You Think?

Why does one stay up later than one should on a work night? You know you should be in bed...or at least picking over your well worn, tired wardrobe for something to wear tomorrow that doesn't have to be ironed.

Why do you stay up later than you know you should?? (or is it just me??)


Don't know why I added this. I heard it today and sang along.......Go ahead and sing it. It's fun!

A Revelation

Well, today I had a revelation. It was so profound that I just had to blog it. I had been considering

ouch! ouch! Writer's cramp! Writer's cramp!

Pearl of Wisdom

Almost didn't post tonight but I didn't want to disappoint my legion of fans. So to all of you reading my blog, here's my pearl for the day:
You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

All outta words.

Just Because I Can

Just writing because I have a blog and I'm supposed to write.

Whew. All done.

Bye Bye Again

AAArrrrrruuugghhh! Damm technology!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here, watch this.
It's not the full, real video but you get the general idea.




And here is a bonus vid. Miranda Lambert. One rockin' country chick.

Warning: This video is highly combustable!




I did spend a very pleasant day yesterday on the lake with a very very sweet guy who likes me. I certainly wish I found him remotely sexy/desirable.

(The irony is that he wants from me what I wanted from A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks). And I'm giving him as much as ACM(NTH) gave to me. That does Not make me a nice person....Read into that what you will.)

We took his boat out to the lake and fished for a while. Didn't catch anything, which frustrates him to no end. But I just like casting a line.

We went to a couple of fishing spots and then he gave up and started to head back in. But it was too beautiful of a day and I didn't want to go home. So we just floated on the lake for a while.

It was race weekend so is was not very crowded. Pretty quite for one of the first really good weekends to take a boat out.

Last night I stopped by Eclipse (restaurant/bar/bookstore). It's an old farmhouse that was moved to downtown Montevallo and has a great wrap-around-porch on which "the crowd" sits and drinks and bullshits and laughs and sometimes plays music.

I saw some folks I hadn't seen in a while and that was all good. I think I'll check in there more often. There is a regular crowd there so I know almost everyone. Most I have know for decades, some I have only know for a few years, and some I have just met. It's an interesting place.

Being home to a liberal arts university, my town is very eclectic.

And Montevallo is so captivating for some that, after they graduate, or when they drop out of school, they stay in Montevallo. Those who graduate or are "natives" usually get or have "real jobs".

The others sponge off everyone else. But more about that later.

Blogged enough for now.

Independence Day!

The time has finally come!

I will no longer pine for A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks).

Finito. Finished. Done. Over.

No more tears.
No more moping.
No more pouting.
No more e-mails/MySpace messages/text messages/Yahoo-Msn chat/phone calls/smoke signals/drum beats/carrier pigeons/messages in bottles/concerts/checking his website to see where the next show is/checking obsessively to see if my any teeny-tiny chance that he may have contacted me.

Watch this video!!!!! (sit though the commercial at the beginning...lyrics are Priceless!)

http://www.cmt.com/loaded/index.jhtml?vid=33693