Introducing Chet Atkins....

I love the sound of music being made............

Georgia On My Mind




Danny Boy

Hum...What Do You Think?

Why does one stay up later than one should on a work night? You know you should be in bed...or at least picking over your well worn, tired wardrobe for something to wear tomorrow that doesn't have to be ironed.

Why do you stay up later than you know you should?? (or is it just me??)


Don't know why I added this. I heard it today and sang along.......Go ahead and sing it. It's fun!

A Revelation

Well, today I had a revelation. It was so profound that I just had to blog it. I had been considering

ouch! ouch! Writer's cramp! Writer's cramp!

Pearl of Wisdom

Almost didn't post tonight but I didn't want to disappoint my legion of fans. So to all of you reading my blog, here's my pearl for the day:
You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

All outta words.

Just Because I Can

Just writing because I have a blog and I'm supposed to write.

Whew. All done.

Bye Bye Again

AAArrrrrruuugghhh! Damm technology!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here, watch this.
It's not the full, real video but you get the general idea.




And here is a bonus vid. Miranda Lambert. One rockin' country chick.

Warning: This video is highly combustable!




I did spend a very pleasant day yesterday on the lake with a very very sweet guy who likes me. I certainly wish I found him remotely sexy/desirable.

(The irony is that he wants from me what I wanted from A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks). And I'm giving him as much as ACM(NTH) gave to me. That does Not make me a nice person....Read into that what you will.)

We took his boat out to the lake and fished for a while. Didn't catch anything, which frustrates him to no end. But I just like casting a line.

We went to a couple of fishing spots and then he gave up and started to head back in. But it was too beautiful of a day and I didn't want to go home. So we just floated on the lake for a while.

It was race weekend so is was not very crowded. Pretty quite for one of the first really good weekends to take a boat out.

Last night I stopped by Eclipse (restaurant/bar/bookstore). It's an old farmhouse that was moved to downtown Montevallo and has a great wrap-around-porch on which "the crowd" sits and drinks and bullshits and laughs and sometimes plays music.

I saw some folks I hadn't seen in a while and that was all good. I think I'll check in there more often. There is a regular crowd there so I know almost everyone. Most I have know for decades, some I have only know for a few years, and some I have just met. It's an interesting place.

Being home to a liberal arts university, my town is very eclectic.

And Montevallo is so captivating for some that, after they graduate, or when they drop out of school, they stay in Montevallo. Those who graduate or are "natives" usually get or have "real jobs".

The others sponge off everyone else. But more about that later.

Blogged enough for now.

Independence Day!

The time has finally come!

I will no longer pine for A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks).

Finito. Finished. Done. Over.

No more tears.
No more moping.
No more pouting.
No more e-mails/MySpace messages/text messages/Yahoo-Msn chat/phone calls/smoke signals/drum beats/carrier pigeons/messages in bottles/concerts/checking his website to see where the next show is/checking obsessively to see if my any teeny-tiny chance that he may have contacted me.

Watch this video!!!!! (sit though the commercial at the beginning...lyrics are Priceless!)

http://www.cmt.com/loaded/index.jhtml?vid=33693

Random Thoughts

i have researched why my dogs (a bitch and a male) do the humpty-dumpty.

it's all about dominance. not procreation. dominance.

the dog on top is expressing dominance over the other dog.

and that started me thinking.................

the most common sexual positions for a man and a woman......

man on top....man from behind.

Sound familiar?

dominance

________________________________________________________

Hi Y'all

Don't know if anybody's even going to read this since I haven't blogged in such a long time.

Anyway, after all this blogging I've just done, time for a nap!

luv & smooches!

Cleaning Day

Opens door to chat room and looks around
Wow. This place could use some sprucing up! It looks all dingy and sorta grimy. This is definitely not how this room should look.
Lugs in buckets, brooms and various cleaning products
Looks around again and hits the light switch
Hum. That light bulb needs replacing.
Opens a step ladder and replaces the spotlight focused on the Black Velvet Painting Of Taylor Hicks.
That's better. But it's so dark and dreary in here.
Goes to the window and flings open the curtains
Dust bunnies go scurring to the corners of the room
Everything'll look brighter once these windows are cleaned.
Reaches for a bottle of Windex and starts to clean, admiring the beautiful sunset
Stands back and nods head in approval
Turns around to get a another look
It's a little worse than I thought. But nothing that can't be fixed with a little loving care.
Takes a deep breath
OK. First the wet bar. *ahem*
Throws away all of the dirty ashtrays and replaces them with beautiful crystal ones
Washes all of the glassware until it sparkles and puts it back in its place
Replaces empty and almost-empty bottles of Crown, Jack, and other various and sundry liquors and restocks fridge
Wipes down the bar with Murphy's Oil Soap until it gleams
Much better. Time for a beer? Nope. Better finish up first.
Places a bowl of beer nuts on the bar
Looks around the room and shakes head
Grabs a garbage bag and starts around the room picking up crushed walnuts, empty beer bottles, old Chik-Fil-A milkshake cups, broken dishes, half-eaten bags of Doritos, crumpled paper and all of the other garbage laying around
Straightens up luggage, puts puppy toys in basket, and stacks up thud mats, all the while keeping an eye out for magic foxholes
After filling three garbage bags full of old rubbish the garbage bags are taken outside to the hallway for later disposal
Getting better. These walls could use some paint. But I'll do that another day. I'll just scrub 'em down today.
Fills a pail with warm water and sponges down the walls
Looks down at pail filled with brown water
Now that is nasty. But the room is really starting to come around!
Reaches for the broom and dust pan
Goes to the corners of the room and sweeps up the dust bunnies
Takes them outside and releases them into the wild
Smiles while watching their cute little tails bob up and down as they hop into the woods
Heads back into the room and sweeps up the rest of the dust, crumbs, puppy hair, etc.
Even cleans under the couch, but leaves one cheeto, just for fun
Damp mops the beautiful hardwood with vinegar and water, 'cause you're not supposed to use any harsh chemicals on hardwood floors
The rich wood reflects the last of the sunlight shining through the windows
Ah. Now here is the room that I love. And the room that hosts the people that I love.
Puts away cleaning supplies
Lights candles and places them around the room
Sets a bowl of fresh flowers on the coffee table and walks to the door
Just one last important thing.
Takes the newly laundered community snot rag off its hook
Gently wipes away all hurt feelings and angry tears from the beloved room
Turns around to take one last look and uses the community snot rag to wipe own tear away
Now. It's almost time for everyone to get here. I hope they like what I've done to the place.

For Ann

Farewell 2006

How many new friends were made in 2006?
How many romances began?
How many people decided to chase their dream?
How many gained the courage to step out on their own?
How many finally saw their self-worth?
How many discovered new talents and nurtured them?
How many decided to do something just for themselves?
How many found ways do something for others?
How many contacts were added to address books and cell phone numbers exchanged?
How many packed a bag and traveled to new places knowing that friends would be waiting?
How many realized that you don't have to settle for what you've got?
How many laughs were shared with new friends?
How many hearts broke for them?
How many came to depend on people who's faces they have never touched?
How many were amazed to find out that so many others cared for and loved them?
How many danced for the first time in a long time?
How many determined that you create your own happiness?
How many hugs were given and received by people who saw each other for the very first time?

2007 has mighty big shoes to fill.

Attention Please

Your Love Song Is

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson "Maybe you've been through this before But it's my first time so please ignore The next few lines cause they're directed at you I can't always be waiting, waiting on you I can't always be playing, playing your fool" You've been waiting for love, and you're not going to wait any longer!

What Love Song Are You?

That's really uplifting isn't it?

The Number 3

Today's Meme is brought to you by the Number 3.

3 Things that scare me: The massive tangle of wires behind my desk; starting new relationships with guys; the University of Alabama football program will never recover it's former glory

3 People who make me laugh: Marion Brown (a good friend whom I don't call nearly enough); Dana; Grady Nutt

3 Things I love: Starting new relationships with guys; College football; the different color greens you see when spring has sprung

3 Things I hate: Ugly business forms that don't work; the tangled mass of wires behind my desk; decorating for Christmas (a lot of trouble for just a few weeks)

3 Things I don't understand: Why some people are cruel to animals; the mass of tangled wires behind my desk; why I let my car turn into a dumpster

3 Things on my desk: Computer; ciggies; glass of tea

3 Things I'm doing right now: IMing a guy that I'm (apparantly) starting a new relationship with; looking at all of the other crap on my desk that I didn't list above; replying to his Meme thingy

3 Things I want to do before I die: Go on an African safari; retire; meet Taylor Hicks

3 Things I can do: Drive; eat; cross my eyes

3 Things I can't do: Reply to these list thingys in under two hours; figure out the mass of tang..well you know; a back hand spring

3 Things I think you should listen to: Your intuition; the weather report; music that makes you smile

3 Things you should never listen to: People who put you down; bad advice; music you hate

3 Things I'd like to learn: How to play the guitar; how to give up changing things that can't be changed without beating my head repeatedly against a brick wall; reply to these list thingys in under two hours

3 Favorite foods: Brownies; hamburgers (the fresh-made gooey kind); anything my Mom cooks

3 Beverages I drink regularly: Sweet tea; unsweet tea with fake sugar; Bud Light;

3 Shows I watched as a kid: The Brady Bunch; The Partridge Family; the Sunday night Disney movies



Whew! Since everybody I know's already been tagged apparently, I ain't tagging anybody!

"Blogged" Down Syndrome

I am posting here in the hope that others suffering from a similar disease will comment.

I have started about 3 posts over the last several days. I get so "blogged" down in making sure it looks purty that I never get it posted!

I play with html codes, look for cool pics to post, edit, edit, and edit some more.

After spending a couple of hours tweaking my post, I finally walk away from it. It's approaching the ridiculous!

Do I have a defective blog gene? I've been trying to find scientific information on the possible cause, but after using several search engines and digging through hundreds of sites, I have yet to deterimine the cause of this affliction.

The "search for the truth" syndrome must be a symptom of this condition as well.

As yet I have been unable to find a cure for my affliction. If you have had success overcoming a similar condition, please leave your tips on your comment.

Thank you for your time.

(Notice how plain this post looks. I believe I may be making progress!)

The Battle Of Troy

Sorry I haven't been around the last couple of days. It seems that my computer was invaded by Trojans (not the prophylactic kind).

Still working on getting things back to normal!

My Ascent From The Black Hole

This is my story.

About 4 years ago I got my husband’s gun out of the bedside drawer, wrote a suicide note, and put the gun to my head. But I "chickened out" and couldn't go through with it. I cried at my failure to even go though with this act. I got the gun out many times and held in my hands and thought about killing myself.

For the previous years I had suffered (what a weak word), with severe depression. I could function...Go to work, come home, clean the house (sorta) and generally make it though each day. But it was exhausting. I always felt like I was swimming underwater against the current. The part that exhausted me was putting on a normal face and getting through the day. Trying to do the things I knew I had to do.

I thought, Okay this will pass. One day will have a better day and keep having good days until I don't feel this way anymore. Didn’t happen. I would have one of those “good days” where I felt like I had come up for air and that maybe this was when I would start to feel better. Didn’t happen. I would always get dragged under again.

Here are some of the thoughts that were my mantras for those many years:
“In the scheme of things, I don't matter.”
“My time on earth is so fleeting that I don't even understand why I was put here.”
“Within this big world and the infinite universe, I am just a small speck of an ant so what is my life worth? Nothing”
“If I could just kill myself, I would feel so much better.”
“I have friends and family in heaven who would welcome me, love me, and take care of me, and I miss them.”
“If I killed myself, it wouldn't really make a difference to those around me after all, after all I'm not a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, grandchild, etc.”
“I am so worthless. The things I can manage to do myself can easily be handled by someone else.”
“My friends and family would no longer have to deal with my depression.”

I had been “self-medicating” myself for many years. I drank anywhere from two to three beers every night. Sometimes more. I thought of it as my “wind down” time at the end of the day. After all, alcohol in moderation was supposed to be good for you. And a couple of beers a night seemed moderate to me. I was not an alcoholic. It felt good to sit in front of the TV and just vege out.

I cried…a lot. Feeling sorry for myself. No those are not the right words. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I just felt like I could not face another day and deal with regular life. But I did feel sorry for my friends and family. I was such a burden to them. This is not how they felt. This is how I felt. I knew that I was loved. But that didn’t make the feelings go away. It seemed to intensify them. After all, how could anyone love me when I was putting them through such misery worrying about me all of the time. How could they love me and still put up with all of my self-absorbed crap.

After my “suicide attempt,” I finally decided that I might need some help. I went to my family doctor, crying of course. I told him that I had thoughts of suicide but didn’t tell him how far I had gone to make that happen. He prescribed some medication. Some of it made me feel like I was about to jump out of my skin, some gave me vivid weird dreams, but most just plain didn’t work. I kept going back to him… crying. This went on for 8 months or so.

One day he told me that I needed to see a professional in this field. I told him that I didn’t want to do that. He said something that made sense to me. “If you had to have brain surgery, I wouldn’t do it, I would refer you to a specialist.”

One of my friends at work was suffering from severe depression too. Her husband had left her. She was struggling to make it on her salary. Her health coverage did not cover much of the expense of seeing a therapist or the medications they prescribed. She was really in a bad way. But we all understood why.

But me? Why did I feel like this? I had a loving and supportive husband. I was blessed with two parents who loved me so much it hurt. I had good friends whom I had known for years and years. I had a beautiful house and a job that paid well and one that I actually enjoyed (to the extent I could enjoy anything). So why, why, why was I depressed? There was absolutely no good reason.

My friend at work had found a psychologist (therapist) whom she liked. I got her name and called and made an appointment.

I saw Dr. Janzen (my friend’s doctor) and on the first visit, I told her about my thoughts of suicide and how far I had gone with it. I was honest. She listened, made eye contact, asked me questions about my history and told me that my illness was serious. She wanted to help me. But I didn’t believe anyone could help me. I liked her though and made another appointment for the following week.

Dr. Janzen was my window into mental illness. I could wipe the glass from inside my dark room and see what was happening to me. The first several visits we talked about me (of course) but she also explained how depression works. It is very complex and circular. You can’t cope with everyday emotions and tasks so you don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t do anything and you feel worthless. And the downward spiral continues until you finally reach the bottom of the black hole. And I was at the bottom of the black hole. She tried to help provide me with some coping skills. “What do you enjoy.” Nothing. “When was the last time you did had fun.” I can’t remember. But we kept talking. (And she Never told me to do the Look In The Mirror therapy.)

After about a year or so, she told me that she could only do so much for me. She gave me some names of the psychiatrists that she had worked with before and trusted. I picked Dr. Stacy Siegle. I could not get an appointment with her right away.

I waited the few weeks until I could see Dr. Siegle, still visiting Dr. Janzen in the meantime.

I lucked out. Dr. Siegle was a woman that I liked right away. She was a “younger” woman and smiled a lot and I felt comfortable with her. We met for about an hour on the first visit. She took my history, asked pertinent and pointed questions. I answered them honestly. She confirmed what Dr. Janzen told me. I was sick. But between she and Dr. Janzen she made me believe that there may be hope.

She explained about depression and mania and how they physically work on the body. She told me that there are tons of anti-depressants available but they all work in different ways for different people. It usually takes months and months of “hit or miss” med therapy to find a combination that would work for me. I can’t even remember how many drugs and/or combinations we tried. But she stayed with me, did not give up, and kept giving me hope. She also told me to keep going to Dr. Janzen, which I did.

I called to make an appointment with Dr. Siegle one day and found out they she had joined another group which did not cover all of the cost of my visits with her. I was devastated. So I called another psychiatry group and made and appointment with another doctor. I hated him and the office. He barely listened to me. He handed me a prescription, told me to make another appointment and I was rushed out the door. I did not go back.

I finally came to the conclusion that no matter the monetary cost, Dr. Siegle was my doctor and I was worth the extra money it would cost to see her. (See how far I had come?) It turned out that, even though my health insurance didn’t would not allow the co-pay, they would pay for 80% of the cost of the visit. That was a rather pleasant surprise. We kept tweaking my meds. And after about 18 months finally stumbled upon a cocktail that seemed to be working for me. I am still on that cocktail and I fell better than I ever remember.

I am on anti-depressants (who isn’t these days), a mood-stabilizer (turns out I’m also hypomanic). Hypo-mania is not nearly as serious as manic/depressive. I don’t go out and spend tons of money, or quit my job to go explore the Amazon or make other huge life-decisions on a whim. I just have smaller mood swings. And I’m on an anti-anxiety drug that I take at night to help me sleep. It’s working.

But it took me years of help to get to this point. But don’t think for one moment that I didn’t have set backs and that during my ascent from the black hole I did not fall back. But since I had seen at least some progress, I kept trying. I stopped drinking beer (at least during the week) and I got better. Here is a “duh” moment. Alcohol is a depressant. And I was on anti-depressants. Stupid huh?

One of the most enlightening things I discovered during my recovery is that I can tell the difference between the blues and depression. I’ve learned what depression feels like and I don’t want to go back there. I also know my alcohol limits. I’m not sure yet if the hypomania triggers an increase in my alcohol consumption or if it’s the other way around. But I have learned how to recognize when it’s happening and I know when I need to cut back. Recognition is a huge step and one that signals significant improvement. Dr. Siegle and I are working on that.

It’s been an eye-opening journey. And one that has educated me on so many of the pitfalls and symptoms of depression.

I know that my story is not the same as others’ stories. We are all different right? But in the end, what I’ve learned is that there is hope. For everybody who has this crippling disease. But you have to get the right kind of help.

If you have to have brain surgery, don’t go to a podiatrist.

The those who want to comment, please do so. I am doing very well, even with the upheaval in my private life. In fact, the decisions I have made in that department have been some relief. I don’t require encouragement. I am already encouraged even though I am still doing some “tuning up.” If you want to leave a your own experiences or agreements or disagreements feel free.

This post is not for my benefit. I just wanted to share my story in an effort to provide hope to others who live in the black hole. Keeping your head down while you’re in the black hole is easy. Looking up to see the tiny pinpoint of light is hard. And the climb is even harder. But once you emerge, even though you may be standing on the precipice of the black hole, you get a glimpse of the outside world and will hopefully see that the long climb was worth it.

Roll Tide!

Recent graduates show their spirit.

Will blog as soon as I can!

Nothing big is happening....just a little busy!

A Little Bit Of This And That

What I've Learned From My Dogs

There are two phrases that I have finally come to understand in the last couple of months. We have two dogs in our house now. Scamper is our old dog and Dolly is the latest addition to our family.

I now know what “a bone of contention” is.

The bone of contention is now laying in my living room! It’s one of those rawhide chewy bones basted in beef broth. They don’t fight over it. They steal it while the other dog isn’t looking. We always have two, one for each of them. Scamp is usually the thief. It really is comical to watch. So I guess we really have two bones of contention!

And I know what it means when people say someone is “dogging your heels.”

When I’m at home, I usually (ok, always) wear house shoes. The kind that flop up and down when you walk. Dolly follows me around the house and is always so close on my heels that she continually steps on the backs of my house shoes when they flop down. I roll my eyes when she is dogging my steps but it is somewhat endearing and makes me remember that phrase and smile. She’s a knucklehead but a sweet knucklehead.



In Search Of Cute Shoes

Has the whole shoe industry completely lost their minds?! All I want is a pair of flat brown shoes that aren’t too casual. Believe me, I have looked. Shopped all of the stores and browsed every website that has shoes for sale.

I have two pair of brown flat shoes. I wear them with everything. I have had both of them for about 5 years or more. They are almost completely worn out and look worse than any shoe you will find at a thrift store. I am completely bumfuzzled about the whole “lack of cute, flat brown shoes.”

The search continues………….Or maybe I’ll just start my own shoe design company! (not)


Sigerson Morrison (Have no idea, but it rhymes)
$383.95 (You Gotta Be Kidding Me!)
Free Shipping Both Ways! (Very generous of them)

To Our Veterans:

Thank you.

My Expression Number Is 8

Driven and ambitious, you have the potential to reach great things. (Like the cookies on the top shelf?)
You're both good with money and good at getting things done quickly. (Looks at watch. How long is this gonna take?)
You are an excellent leader and a great judge of character. (I do know some characters, but I try not to judge others.)

Full of energy (never mind the two hour naps) and confidence, you undertake projects that seem impossible. (SEEM impossible?)
Dependable and determined, you are able to understand the bigger picture. (I don't know anything about art.)
Even if you are not in a position of power right now, it will fall to you. (Well that's just great...)

At times, you can be very materialistic - and obsessed with status and power. (Materialistic...Me? Goes to shop for shoes again.)
While this isn't always a bad thing, you sometimes take it to the extreme. (Well I ain't payin' $383.95 for a pair of shoes....Even with the free shipping both ways.)

In order to be truly happy, you must balance the material and spiritual in your life. (I'm not a Weeble like Trav so I tip over a lot.)

Still Bloggin...

Just haven't had to time to compose a blog these last several days.... But I've been keeping up with all of you through your blogs!

Stay tuned!