Whut's Uh Blog?

Hmmm...

2011-02-26T02:09:00.002-06:00

I don't really have anything to write about other than the fact that I am inexplicably awake at 2am. I'm either going to have to force my self to go to bed, or go buy more ciggies. Since I know I'm just gonna toss & turn. Guess I'll grab my keys! lol

Hope everyone is doing well.

Dana...I still treasure the story you wrote for me.

Trav...I still miss the magical foxholes.

Right now I'm watching the bio of Marky Mark & Donnie Wahlberg (?) for the second time tonight. Guess I could at least channel surf. I might run across one of those paid advertisements that sells Bedazzlers, or colon cleansing pills, or a get rich quick scheme. You must never know. Oh wait, they do have those... ahem... massage implement advertisements on this late. Although some of them puzzle me. Can you Bedazzle them I wonder??

I Miss My Old Life

2010-11-24T00:30:00.004-06:00

I am constantly fighting demons. i miss my old life.

Joe and I divorced over a year ago. And the loss is bone-crushingly, heart-breakingly the end of the best part of my life.

People tell me, "You'll meet someone else." But right now, I don't want to. I want to stay in my little home and live with myself.

It's too hard, too gut-wrenching to put myself out there. I've done it a few times, and all I've gotten were more broken hearts. And my heart has taken all it can stand right now.

I miss having someone who loves me, who takes care of me, who makes me laugh, who will snuggle with me, and who understands me.

We built a life together and now it's gone.

We built our dream home where we planned to live out the rest of our lives, and now it's gone.

He's moved on and I tell myself I'm happy for him. But I'm also hurt. He gave me emotional security, a feeling that I was worth something, the illusion that I was beautiful, a sense of financial security, and the encouragement to carry on. Now all of it is gone.

We had very difficult times, but I suppose all marriages do. Why didn't I work harder at it? Why didn't he work harder at it?

I truly believe that the connection we had was a once in a lifetime event. But I...we...threw it all away like the previous 25 years did not matter.

My soul-mate, my best friend, my biggest supporter. And I believe if you ask him, he will say the same things about me.

When I just gave up on our marriage, I gave up on everything good in my life.

And I will never be able to recapture that again. How sad.

Like I've said before, it was like getting this beautiful gift from God and just throwing it back in his face.

As Sam solemnly and sincerely said to Diane on the sitcom "Cheers"... Have a good life.

Joe, you are truly one of the really good people on this earth. I was privileged to be a part of your life.

They Call Some The Breeze

2009-12-18T03:13:00.002-06:00

Well, here I go again.

I wish I was one of those amazingly cheery and humorous bloggers. And, I admit, sometimes I am.

But mostly I post when I feel...Just when I feel. Something.

I wonder why life is a hard thing for some people and a breeze for others. What is it that distinguishes the two?

I so want to be one of those breezers. One of those lucky people who can soar on just the whisper of a wind and rise higher and higher and higher.

Is it something you are genetically gifted with? Or something that you learn? Or something you don't even realize you have?

One thing is for sure. Those who can't catch those breezes wind up, feet firmly on the ground, watching those lucky others circle higher and higher, seeming without a care.

Oh how I wish with all of my body and soul that I could be one of those risk takers, dreamers who believe that their dreams will come true for them, a person that is not so grounded in the quicksand of reality that no matter how far I hold out my arms, I don't have the feathers necessary to take flight.

How blissful that feeling would be.

I can only imagine.

I miss my friend so much.

2009-03-29T18:04:00.003-06:00

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I'm so very sad.

He hates me.

Nothing but a friend.

Had a misunderstanding.

Can't straighten it out.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

Wish I didn't.

Hate him sometimes.

I miss my friend so much.

Trying to hate him more.

I miss my friend so much.

Makes it easier to move on.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I hate myself for doing whatever I did.

I miss my friend so much.

Will just keep crying I guess.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

I miss my friend so much.

God Given Talent and Unlimited Possibilities

2009-02-01T12:32:00.005-06:00

I have a friend. He is one of those people who is charismatic, brilliant, talented, and doesn’t have a clue how blessed he is.

Well maybe a small clue.

He’s finishing up his degree in business and feels a strong obligation and drive to find a “real job” in the “real world”.

I keep telling him that he will hate it. Being cooped up in a small office or worse yet, a tinier cubicle, processing paperwork all day. A job that won’t allow him explore his unlimited potential. A job that will stifle his creativity and free spirit and will probably leave him unfulfilled.

Can’t he see that his possibilities are unlimited? That the world deserves more than another mortgage broker or investment counselor? That he has the ability to make contributions that would enrich our world and more importantly his?

I’ve listened to him brainstorm about business ventures he would like to undertake. Jobs that he would like to have. The money he wants to make. He has high aspirations and is confident enough to make them happen.

None of the ideas I have heard will let him use the unbounded creativity or his charismatic personality. I find that offensive and odious.

My friend has a gift. One that I cannot even imagine possessing. He is talented. But the word talent isn’t big enough to describe what he has.

He is a music man. A songwriter, a singer, a musician, an entertainer with words and a voice that can break your heart or lift your spirits. Oh what is must be like to have those extraordinary gifts.

These are gifts that God gave him.

He didn’t have to take years of lessons or spend hours of tedious practice to be able to do what he does. A God given gift is one that comes naturally and one that you cannot be happy without using.

The following story is more revealing than even he knew. I have never seen him as excited as he was on this particular day.

He has his own recording equipment. A few weeks ago he bought a new piece of equipment to add to his studio. He was practically jumping up and down at the prospect of using it. Rubbing his hands together like he couldn’t wait to use those hands to create more music. And smiling like the sun was shining through him. It made me happy to see him so excited.

So I asked him, “Has anything made you this excited lately? This idea of making music you’ve not been able to make before?” Of all of his lofty business-minded goals, this one piece of $200 equipment made him the most energized I have seen him. Music is his passion. The thing that brings him the most joy.

And I wonder why he cannot see that about himself?

Why can’t he see that when I can see it so clearly it makes my heart ache?

The thing that is most insulting to me is that I would give almost anything to possess that kind of talent and passion.

It makes me wonder how God doles out talent. Why does he bestow that much creativity, and the ability to use it, upon some and none to others? Do those who possess this ability take it for granted? I think almost all of them do. Offensive.

To listen to him expound on the many business ventures he has thought of makes heart sink. I hate him.

I hate him for having these incredible gifts that God so generously granted him. And I hate him for not using them. It’s like throwing this priceless thing back in God’s face or putting it in a drawer.

I love the sound of music being made. It is one of the things that entrances, amazes, and depresses me all at the same time. Nothing makes me happier than to have him sit in my living room, or on the porch, inventing funny songs or leading a sing-along, or hearing him discover particular riffs that I can’t get out of my head.

I know he’s gone through the “gig” thing. But with such unlimited potential and talent and drive, isn’t there some kind of job, some kind of opportunity that would allow him to share his enriching, spirit-lifting, joyful, heart-breaking, special, rare, and enviable gifts with all of us? It’s just plain selfish to keep that to himself.

Just plain selfish.

I love him and hate him at the same time.

Not Too Shabby

2008-12-12T01:46:00.002-06:00

I just re-read some of (well, all of) my old posts on Blogger. And I ain't half-bad as a blogger/writer. In fact, I think I do pretty well. I actually impressed myself. *wiggles head prissily*

Maybe I'll get inspired and write more soon. I hope. It was a lot of fun reading them again. Kind of like traveling back in time. What a ride.

Friends Move On

2008-11-17T20:05:00.003-06:00

I know that I don't blog here anymore, but I wanted to publish this somewhere. If you happen to read it, leave a comment if you like. I'll try to check back in sometime soon. This is more for me I guess.

_____________________________

FRIENDS MOVE ON

Wow. I don’t know where to start.

All I know is that I have an empty place inside of me. I can actually feel it physically and it is a sad, sad feeling.

I made a friend, or rather a buddy, a few weeks ago. He was everything I wanted in someone to pal around with.

Funny. We laughed constantly. He is a comedian. Not a pro (yet). But he will be if that is what he wants. He made up comic bits on the fly and I couldn’t quit laughing. Keeping me entertained is no easy thing. But he could make me laugh for days. Literally.

Talented. He plays acoustic guitar, writes his own songs, and sings so well it makes me all googley eyed.. You see, I am enthralled with men with that kind of talent. It is rare to find and it is one of the things that I love to have in my life. I miss hearing him play his clever, sweet and funny songs. I miss hearing him sing. I miss the way he smiles when he is playing and singing something amusing. It is heart-wrenching. There are a lot of musicians out there with a similar talent, but no one who captured my imagination like he did.

Sincere. We talked a lot about ourselves during our short friendship. I learned about his life so far, about what he is looking for in a girlfriend, about his dreams for the future. And I opened up with a few things about myself. And he listened. How rare is that?

Cuddle-able. One of the things I miss most about being separated from my husband is not having someone to lay down and cuddle with. My friend and I never had sex or anything close to it. We would just lay in bed and laugh and spoon each other or I would lay my head on his chest. It was so wonderful and comforting and it felt so good.

I miss him so much it makes me cry. And I have selfishly cried over my loss many times. I know that he never imagined that I would value our friendship so much. And truthfully, until it was gone I didn’t imagine it either. It’s like he crashed into my life, filled it up with himself, and then left it empty when he moved out of my life. He is so charismatic that he probably makes most people feel that way.

He tells me that we will still get together now and then. But he is busy and has moved ahead and I am so happy for him. I truly am.

He landed a great job working nights. At a comedy club no less. That way he can still go to school and get his degree. But it means no more music or tequila on the porch or staying up all night talking and laughing or cuddling.

He found a girlfriend who he is crazy about and makes him happy. He told me that when they are alone, they cook, watch movies, hang out. He sounds so happy to have found her. And I am glad that he did. But it means no more music or tequila on the porch or staying up all night talking and laughing or cuddling.

He asked me once why women hold on for so long. I told him that we were like puppies. If you are nice to us, we will desperately want to follow you home. It’s ironic isn’t it? I just never imagined myself as one of those puppies left on the side of the road crying longingly as I watched him move away.

It is said that people come into your life for a purpose. And there is a reason that they move out of your life.

Whatever the reason, I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.
----------------------------------------
Good luck, Wes. I wish you only the best. Keep moving forward.
Maybe we’ll have a few shots of tequila sometime. I’ll buy.

No. Really. I AM going to write about...

2008-05-19T22:34:00.002-06:00

The mysterious invisible entity in the backyard that enthralls my dog.

Hearing the words, "If you were five years younger..." (Ouch)

Bodywork.

My take on Hip-Hop; political and/or ecological rap/poetry/hip-hop; and on being green.

What are the meteorological chances?

Yes he's cute, young and stupid, but he is also.....

The three faces of Scamper (my dog) and why I cannot take her for a public walk.

uhhh....And some other things too.

Get Ready All Of You Who Read My Lame Ass Blog (i heart trav)

2008-05-13T19:13:00.002-06:00

I am going to bear my soul on my blog. And I might be doing it for a while. Feel like I've got some things to say and this is the safest place I can say them. I'm not going to write for sympathy or advice or censure. I am writing so I can put what I want to say out there somewhere in cyberspace so no one (or some one) can hear.

And it's not all bad stuff! I swear!

Feel free to comment, but I can betcha I know what you will say before you even type it! (I'm psychotic---I mean psychic----that way.)

First blog in a series will follow shortly........

This One's For The Girls

2008-05-06T21:57:00.007-06:00

I was a fan of horse racing. I went to the Santa Anita Racecourse in Los Angeles a few years ago and watched some wonderful, beautiful thoroughbreds race. And the jockeys on their backs were just as amazing as the horses.

The day I visited the Santa Anita was one of the most memorable of my life. This was where Seabiscuit made his debut and amazing, unlikely comeback. I had my picture taken with the statue of this remarkable animal and with Gary Stevens, one of the winningest jockeys in the sport.

I learned a lot about horse racing. It can be an awe inspiring and breath taking sport. Watching athletic horses with talented jockeys atop them is a sight to behold.
But I don't keep up too much anymore since Gary Stevens retired from racing.

At the 2008 Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles was just the latest in a long line of tragic thoroughbred racing stories. She finished second to Big Brown. A huge feat for a filly. As the jockey was cooling her down, she broke both of her front ankles, collapsing on the track. As one television announcer touted Big Brown's win, you could see Eight Belles in the background being euthanized.

I am not a member of PETA. I am not a fanatic that believes that cows and pigs are not made to eat. After all, I love steak and bacon. But raising animals for food is one thing. And, yes, I fully realize how cruel that can be also.

But watching a horse who is bred to live to run and will do so with all of it's heart, giving his or her life for the Sport of Kings is too much to bear. I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on race horse breeding, but I do know that selective breeding is an integral part of the sport.

The horses are bred for speed and a love to race. It's in their blood, literally. And all too often these two are at odds with each other.

So if you have a strong stomach and a heart of stone, find a video of the last race of Go For Wand. You will see a horse bred for racing with a love for the sport so great that she gave us one of the most...No the very most...heartbreaking glimpses of a horse bred to be a racehorse and one who would keep trying at all costs. After shattering one her front legs, she gallantly arose and continued to stumble to the finish line on three legs, her shattered leg grotesquely flopping around.

And then there is Ruffian, another filly with a determined desire to win. She had never lost a race in her ten starts. This beautiful filly did not know how to lose. She was and still is considered to be one of the greatest race horses to run the oval tracks.

But how would she stand up againt 'the boys'. A match race was set. Only two horses run a match race. The two competetors were Ruffian and a colt named Foolish Pleasure, winner of that year's Kentucky Derby.

As the two horses galloped down the back stretch, Ruffian pulled ahead of the colt by half a length. As 50,000 spectators watched from the stands, and another 18 million (yes 18 MILLION) watched the historic race on live television, the horrified audiance watched as Ruffian broke down. She had broken her left front ankle. A compound fracture that left the bone exposed.

On her broken ankle, her hoof flying up toward the sky with each stride, she continued the race on the exposed bone, grinding into the dirt of the race track. She was euthanized the following day after veterinarians attempted to mend her mangled ankle.

Although I enjoyed watching those special animals running for the roses attempting to win the elusive triple crown, the 2008 Kentucky Derby and other races, have taken the joy for the sport away from me. I no longer watch them.

Here's to Go For Wand, Eight Belles, and Ruffian, and all of the other thoroughbreds who were born to race, with huge hearts and an unstoppable desire to win.

Signs that make you go "hummmm"...

2008-04-16T04:30:00.003-06:00

This may be old but I just stumbled across it.....Made me giggle!

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If
you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. **averts eyes**

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. **tub of What?**

In a Buchrarest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next
day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. **I'd be unbearable too if I have to take the stairs**

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
when lit up. **I ain't too good at walking backwards anyway and I'd probably fall down the elevator shaft**

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To more the cabin, push wishing
floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should
press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going to
alphabetically by national order. **wishing floor...Witch one is Taylor on?**

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front
desk. **I KNEW there was a reason I wanted to visit Paris^^

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily. *At my office it's from 7am to 4:30pm**

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure
is the job of the chambermaids. **ouch**

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried
dailly except Thursday. **Who is buried on Thursday? Ballet dancers?""

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you with
nothing to hope for. **happens in the US too**

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion. **sounds Yummy!**

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courageous, efficient self-service. (Sounds like Halifax!)

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. **heads unstairs**

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best
results. **Hey! That's My line!**

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. **Not that deperate yet!**

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big
rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. **going only when the line is short**

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow
Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. **I thought they stopped excuting them years ago!**

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of
their workers. **???**

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the
hotel porter.

In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that
the lobby be used for this purpose."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden
on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.

In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other
diseases."

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by
the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water
has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been
played.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to
ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock
to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies
from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to
work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways, (Sounds like
Boston!)

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take our bags and send
them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit
to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
water served here.

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of
warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of
foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
-- English well talking.
-- Here speeching American.

Got tired of adding my own **comments**.. Feel free to add your own!

Passion??

2008-04-08T23:43:00.005-06:00

Ok....This has been getting under my skin for a long time. This is the reason I stopped watching the Oprah Winfrey show.

Apparently every single one of us Must Have a Passion in life. If you don't have a passion, you don't have anything to live for. (Very loosely paraphrasing the all-knowing Oprah.)

I believe the only reason we're here is to find out what we love…and get about the business of living it!" —
Oprah

Now, I don't particularly have a passion. A passion like writing, skydiving, crafting, decorating, making sushi, building boats, growing organic (or any other type) of vegetable.

So I assume that the almighty Oprah has decided that I do not have a reason to be here.

The following is a mantra for Oprah:

True happiness comes when you "do" what you're most
passionate about. You have gifts to give to the world. So, what's holding you
back? Break though your fear, overcome your obstacles, and start pursuing your
passion today...

Interpolating from this statement, I will never find "true happiness" because I don't have anything that I am truly passionate about.

Truthfully, I am doing good to get through the day. Maybe I'm passionate about 4:30 when I can leave work.

Here are some "encouraging" but very obtuse words of wisdom:

Choose One Idea to Pursue
Don't let having too many ideas keep you from taking action. There are no "perfect" ideas, so just start somewhere. If you feel like you're still looking for your passion, follow these five steps.

Ok. Surely these steps will help me find my passion.

Brainstorm
Because it's easy to feel creatively blocked or paralyzed by fear, one of the best ways to overcome your obstacles is to call upon the wisdom of others in a brainstorming session. (Do I even know wise people? Wise asses maybe. So exactly what are we supposed to brainstorm about??? Very informative piece of advice Oprah.)Learn how to brainstorm and see how three women overcame their obstacles with this exercise. (Three whole women overcame their obstacles! Wooooooo!)

Find Encouragement
Put an insurance policy in place by finding two or three people to encourage and support your efforts. (Efforts in what exactly? Pursuing your unknown and brow furrowing "passion"?) Turn to these people when you feel afraid, frustrated, resigned or excited about your progress! When you feel afraid (and you will) find support. Follow six steps to create a Passion Support Group. (A what?? Is that like AA?)

Take the Leap
Once you have an idea and a plan of action, it's time to do something immediately. Take one step towards your passion right now. (AGAIN with the passion!!) Sign up for a class, write a poem, find a mentor or schedule a brainstorming group today. Write down your goals in your journal. (My goal is to win the lottery. Now, help me do that Passion Support Group.)

What steps are you taking to pursue your passion? (Yet more passion!) Share your achievements and stumbling blocks. Help others on the road to pursuing their passions.

That is the main reason I finally quit watching Oprah. I felt inadequate after watching one her shows. So I don't have a passion. Big Deal. Does that make me any less a person? Maybe it does, I dunno. All I know is that talking about finding your passion is easier said than done!

If anybody has any suggestions, please let me know! I'd hate to let Oprah down!

(Ok....Maybe my one passion is Taylor)

Oxymoron for the day...

2008-03-28T05:45:00.001-06:00

Wireless Router

Wireless. Really??

Sub-Contractors are like a......

2008-03-21T23:30:00.002-06:00

...box of chocolates. Ya never know whut chere gonna get.

I bought a house for me once we sold our home.

It is 3 levels. I only live on the main floor. One bedroom, one tiny bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room the size of a postage stamp. And I don't mean the really pretty postage stamps with flowers and hearts and superheros on then. I mean the plain old postage stamps.

So I've been doing some remodeling. I've had part of the wall separating the living room from the kitchen partially removed. I had a work shed installed in my back yard. I've had someone come over to put a tin roof on my back deck and build a couple of gates so my dog could go out on the back porch. I've hired and fired the guy I picked to retile the tub surrounds.

Right now I am living in a cloud of sheetrock and other various dust particles. I believe this dust might just kill me before the cigarettes do!

Needlesss to say, most of the work I've had done is sub-par. But I have figured out the modis-operindi of the sub-contractor. They stay around indefinitely, sometimes showing up and sometimes skipping it all together. The whole point of this is to finally wear you down. They stay and stay supposudly working on your project until you have finally had enough. Then you tell them to Get Out! Not caring if the job is finished or the work is well done. I truly believe that this tactic is covered in the appendix of the Sub-Contractors Manual. If I could only find a copy, I could prove my theory.

I can't expound on all of the renovation issues in this blog. But I'm thinking about writing a book which divulges the method to their madness. It is however, a brilliant way to ditch an undesirable project. Expecially with some chick that has an eye for detail. Subs Hate that.

One very bright spot that shines like the sun on a spring day. I hired a friend of mine to finish the tile work. He has taken on the job and done it beautifully. Working long and hard to cover all of the "details" I found that were not up to par. He has worked long past the agreed upon quote ran out. All he wants to do is make me happy. To him it is a challenge to see if he can do the job just like I want it. What a God send.

Anyhoo. That's my lame-ass blog for now.

I miss all of you so much and I promise to read your blogs on a more frequent basis. After all, I'm Dana's biggest fan, Trav knows my undeniable weakness for the knee-thingy, Am is, well, Am and I love her beyond reason, Robin & Wayne have been friends when I needed friends, and So Many Others that mean a great deal to me. I've been missing out on keeping up with your lives. But I will give it the old college try to get back into the swing again.

Don't forget about me. I've haven't forgotten about you.

Toodles!

Ahem...Hello....Anybody out there??

2008-03-18T04:43:00.002-06:00

Just checkin'!

Been bloggin a little on myspace but will try to update here too.

So much I need to catch up on!

Oh and by the way I....

oops I'm late! gotta get ready for work!

Toodles!

I'm a-blogging....

2007-12-10T01:11:00.000-06:00

Hi all y'all!!!!
I am blogging for the first time in Months!

All is going well for me.

The big new is....

Oh crap. I have to take the dog out!

Stay tuned for more insightful musings.

Toodles!!

Heartbreak

2007-09-11T16:20:00.000-06:00

So many of my friends here have suffered so much more heart ache than I have. So many have lost loved ones, seen a much loved family member or friend struggle with pain, watched and waited helplessly as someone dear to them gradually losses their memory, held their child's hand as they go though the sometimes painful process of growing up and moving on. I am lucky and blessed that my family and loved ones are well.

But yet my heart is breaking. I can actually feel it in my chest as it comes apart. It feels like someone has reached in and squeezed it so it is bruised and has cut it, not through and through, but just enough so that it is barely hanging together by a tiny, fragile thread.

My husband and I sold our house.

We put the house on the market in order to live in separate households when it sold. Now the reason for us living together is gone.

I miss him already. I cannot imagine sitting alone in another house knowing that he is not going to be calling me to let me know that he is running late or is on his way home.

I have always known that, no matter what is happening, he will always come home.

I miss hearing him sing funny songs to the dogs. I miss the smell of the house after he showers and gets dressed. I miss hearing him whistle in the morning. I miss hearing his voice on the phone asking me if I would like for him to pick me up something to eat on his way home. I miss getting daily hugs and being able to tell each other "I love you". I miss kissing him goodbye in the morning while he is still in bed. And each morning before I go to work, he tells me I look beautiful even though I don't feel beautiful. I miss him pointing out deer or turkeys or some other wild thing to me knowing that it makes me smile to see them. I miss him telling me about a new colt that was just born on a farm nearby so I can be sure to ride by and see it on it's wobbly legs. I miss knowing that, if I need to, I can sit with him in his big chair and he will put his arms around me. I miss him telling me "Thank You" for doing things that I should do willing anyway, like vacuuming the floors or washing his clothes or putting fresh sheets on his bed. I miss the notes he used to leave me where he drew pictures of an eye, a heart, and a ewe for I Love You.

He has done so much more for me than I have done for him. He has given me so much more than I have given to him.

Even though we have been walking separate paths the past several months, they have always run side-by-side. I always knew that if I looked over, I would see him there watching over me. Now our paths are widening apart and I know that if I look for him I will find him. But the comfort of his presence and love will no longer be within arms reach.

He is a good man.

I miss him already.

My heart is breaking.

Dang!

2007-07-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

I just checked my blog and saw that I had SIX comments! Someone out there is checking my lame-ass blog!

(And I did go btw......But that's another blog altogether.)

Smooches!

As The Clash asked....should I stay or should I go

2007-06-27T23:05:00.000-06:00

ACM(NTH) is playing in Montgomery Saturday night. If I dress in disguise, do you think I could get away with just listening to the music????? If I PROMISE not to make a fool of me or ACM(NTH). Please Please give me permissions! (Except for Am...I know I won't get permissions from her!)

Want good music in my life. NEED good music in my life. Don't need acm(nth). Just his music.

Permission granted or denied. Not that I will necessaily take your advice....but thought I'd get input if anybody is reading my lame ass blog!

The Knee Things

2007-06-27T23:02:00.000-06:00

Paging Travis......Paging Travis.....Travis please pick up on the white phone.

I am in desparate need of Travis to visit FBB again. I miss the magic foxhole with the wonderful supply of leather jackets, harps, etc.

And the knee thingy. I am having withdrawals!

The Humane Society

2007-06-26T20:01:00.000-06:00

It's official. My house has turned into an animal shelter.

We now have three dogs and a cat.

And when I say dogs, I don't mean the little fluffy kind that greet you when you get home and will sit with you quietly on the couch or bed while you are relaxing after a long day at work.

Oh No. I mean the kind of dogs that weigh 60-70 pounds and are still growing. I mean the kind of dogs that you just can let loose in the yard because they have not properly trained (yet). And when they are not on a leash and unsupervised, they have to stay in their kennels...which are In The House. They are currently taking up approximatly 40 square feet of my laundry room. And with the dogs/dog kennels in the house, hair follows.

And I don't mean a few stray hairs here and there. I mean that the amount of hair that ends up in my house daily could easily be woven into a room size rug. It is a battle I cannot win. And one, in fact, that I have given up on winning.

and I am sick and tired of it. i am sick of training them. taking them out to the bathroom every few hours on a leash. sick of trying to keep them from tying up with each other. sick of trying to keep them from tying up with other furry mammals. sick of ..... just sick of all of it.

All I every wanted was just a dog. One dog. A dog that is not smarter than me. A dog that is as lazy as I am. A dog that doesn't require 24 hour supervision.

In fact, I'm thinking about moving out of my house and moving into our local animal shelter.

Levity

2007-05-28T19:46:00.001-06:00

Lessons

2007-05-27T18:56:00.000-06:00

I have learned.

I have learned that when you enter a relationship "just for sex", it only makes you whore. And when a woman-of-a-certain-age makes that decision, it makes her not only a whore, but a pathetic whore.

A whore does not get or deserve respect from her sex partner. It's understandable. That is what makes her a whore.

Why bother taking time to find out what she thinks, what she feels, what makes her laugh and cry. They are both are getting exactly what was agreed upon. Just sex.

It doesn't keep her from being lonely. I've learned that, ironically, makes her lonelier.

I've learned that whores do not get their hands held tenderly. They do not get lingering hugs or sweet kisses. They do not sit at tables with their partners, leaning in toward one anther to talk and laugh the way lovers do. The are not introduced to friends. The are not invited to spend the night after a tryst. So they go home, or are left, to sleep alone. Since a she and her partner are not lovers, whores do not get the privilege of going to sleep in another's arms.

I've learned that men do not take a whore to a public place. If they happen to run into each other in a public place, she is ignored, and rightly so. I've been told that if it is known that he is fucking a whore, it would scare off women with whom he may possibly want to develop a more meaningful relationship. Of course, any relationship above the whore-level is a more meaningful relationship.

If a whore is delusional enough be hope for more, she will do and say things that humiliate herself. But even worse, those things humiliate her partner too. Whores that want more from the arrangement will cling to the hope that one day, he will realize that she is respectable enough, interesting enough, witty enough, to warrant more than an orgasm.

I've learned that when a woman-of-a-certain-age decides to become a whore, the fault for any and all heartache, tears, rage, and humiliations suffered by her or her partner lays squarely on her shoulders. The reason I believe this is because I've learned that men do not make women whores, women do that to themselves.

This has been a really important lesson for me. One which I have, fortunately, not had to learn until this point in my life. I hope it "takes." Thank you to all of my friends who have done their best to tutor me through this lesson. But it is one that I had to learn for myself. And even though the lesson has been learned, I cannot say that I will pass the test.

The following lyrics ironically came to mind after I wrote this post:

Lonely women make good lovers
They're all at mercy of a good lookin' smooth talkin' man
Lonely women make good lovers
So if you got a woman better treat her just as good as you can

Lots of times a lonely girl will go out on the town
With no thought of evil on her mind
She don't try to plant bad seeds
But there's something every woman needs
And a friendly smile will tempt her every time

Once a woman's tasted love she can't live without it
She'll search for something warm when she gets cold
And if her lips are wet with wine when it comes to lovin' time
She'll trade her pride for something warm to hold

-Writers: Freddy Weller, Spooner Oldham
-1972 Careers Music, BMI

Robbie Amonett

2007-05-21T23:02:00.000-06:00

It's not called Bull Ridin', it's called Rodeoin'.

Get a mental picture of a cross between the most commonly known image of Jesus and Bo Bice and you have Robbie Amonett.

He's rodeoed all over the country. And has tattoos of some of his rides. He once scoured the parking lot of a Wal-Mart to gather the funds to enter a rodeo. He picked up $90. And won $5000.

Gotten stranded in Oregon by accepting a (one-way) plane ticket from an internet girlfriend who was (unbeknownst to him) married. Since he had $5 in his pocket and couldn't afford the plane ticket home, she "kept him" (as she fully intended) for a few months while he saved up money to get back home.

He has worked as a welder off shore and on. While working off-shore, he discovered a talent for art by copying the most prolific art on the boat; pornography. He drew pictures, cut them out and covered the wall with them. His boss came into his quarters one day and told him he should go to college to study art. And here he is in Montevallo, studying art. He also has a business degree.

He once accepted a plane ticket from a former boss to go to the Virgin Islands to work. He lived there for a year building a casino at St. Croix.

He's written humorous poetry about the life he lived while he was rodeoing. Traveled with Chris Shivers and attended a bull riding camp put on by Tuff Hedeman. He's been to Brazil to study with Adriano Moraes and other Brazilian riders.

Old love letters and pictures of him as a kid, photos of his family, old girlfriends, of his bull riding days, and various other memorabilia fill his photo albums.

The apartment he lives in is three rooms in a basement. There is no TV, no internet service, no phone (other than his cell). His music is played on a turn table with albums purchased for 50 cents from the thrift store. His power bill is $29 per month.

Smiles come easily, and laughter too. Mild mannered and a Southern Gentleman, as he calls himself.

He has lived in San Diego, Ft. Worth, Mississippi, Oregon (see above), the Virgin Islands (see above again), and other places I haven't learned about yet.

He's been married before, and divorced a year later. He found out his wife was having an affair beginning two weeks after they were married. In his words, with a laugh he tells me "At least somebody was gettin' some. ‘Cause I sure wasn't".

He is a vegetarian. but does not condemn those who are not. He, in fact, called me a smart ass when I offered him some bacon once.

One week he camped at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

He was a roadie for a band for about a year. Traveling all over the southeast. He has just started playing bass guitar for a band and which has their first gig in a few weeks.

Tonight he made shadow puppets on the ceiling using a candle and a wine bottle opener and made me laugh out loud.

Smoking dope should not be illegal according to him. One should be able to grow their own for personal use. With which I do not disagree.

He has a kitten named Nugget who has the run of the house.

There is no door to his bedroom. Only hanging "hippie beads." And he has a Glade Air Freshener that lights up with different colors. Says he might get some more just for the fun of it.

The fridge does not have any beer or alcohol. Soy milk and Cherrywine colas.

He's lived in the hayloft of various barns and other sundry places.

Today he purchased a book about building a house out of organic materials and wants to live independent of the confines of those things commonly taken for granted today. His plan is to be completely self-sufficient so, as he says, when the end time comes, he won't have to depend on anyone to supply his needs.

He has lived more in his 31 years than I will ever live in my lifetime.

Robbie is one of the most interesting people I have ever met. I will, one day, persuade him to put his stories to paper.

Introducing Chet Atkins....

2007-05-08T22:03:00.000-06:00

I love the sound of music being made............

Georgia On My Mind

Danny Boy

Hum...What Do You Think?

2007-05-07T21:20:00.000-06:00

Why does one stay up later than one should on a work night? You know you should be in bed...or at least picking over your well worn, tired wardrobe for something to wear tomorrow that doesn't have to be ironed.

Why do you stay up later than you know you should?? (or is it just me??)

Don't know why I added this. I heard it today and sang along.......Go ahead and sing it. It's fun!

A Revelation

2007-05-04T21:51:00.000-06:00

Well, today I had a revelation. It was so profound that I just had to blog it. I had been considering

ouch! ouch! Writer's cramp! Writer's cramp!

Pearl of Wisdom

2007-05-04T01:02:00.000-06:00

Almost didn't post tonight but I didn't want to disappoint my legion of fans. So to all of you reading my blog, here's my pearl for the day:
You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

All outta words.

Just Because I Can

2007-05-02T19:37:00.000-06:00

Just writing because I have a blog and I'm supposed to write.

Whew. All done.

Bye Bye Again

2007-04-29T16:59:00.001-06:00

AAArrrrrruuugghhh! Damm technology!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here, watch this.
It's not the full, real video but you get the general idea.

And here is a bonus vid. Miranda Lambert. One rockin' country chick.

Warning: This video is highly combustable!

I did spend a very pleasant day yesterday on the lake with a very very sweet guy who likes me. I certainly wish I found him remotely sexy/desirable.

(The irony is that he wants from me what I wanted from A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks). And I'm giving him as much as ACM(NTH) gave to me. That does Not make me a nice person....Read into that what you will.)

We took his boat out to the lake and fished for a while. Didn't catch anything, which frustrates him to no end. But I just like casting a line.

We went to a couple of fishing spots and then he gave up and started to head back in. But it was too beautiful of a day and I didn't want to go home. So we just floated on the lake for a while.

It was race weekend so is was not very crowded. Pretty quite for one of the first really good weekends to take a boat out.

Last night I stopped by Eclipse (restaurant/bar/bookstore). It's an old farmhouse that was moved to downtown Montevallo and has a great wrap-around-porch on which "the crowd" sits and drinks and bullshits and laughs and sometimes plays music.

I saw some folks I hadn't seen in a while and that was all good. I think I'll check in there more often. There is a regular crowd there so I know almost everyone. Most I have know for decades, some I have only know for a few years, and some I have just met. It's an interesting place.

Being home to a liberal arts university, my town is very eclectic.

And Montevallo is so captivating for some that, after they graduate, or when they drop out of school, they stay in Montevallo. Those who graduate or are "natives" usually get or have "real jobs".

The others sponge off everyone else. But more about that later.

Blogged enough for now.

Independence Day!

2007-04-27T07:20:00.000-06:00

The time has finally come!

I will no longer pine for A Certain Musician (Not Taylor Hicks).

Finito. Finished. Done. Over.

No more tears.
No more moping.
No more pouting.
No more e-mails/MySpace messages/text messages/Yahoo-Msn chat/phone calls/smoke signals/drum beats/carrier pigeons/messages in bottles/concerts/checking his website to see where the next show is/checking obsessively to see if my any teeny-tiny chance that he may have contacted me.

Watch this video!!!!! (sit though the commercial at the beginning...lyrics are Priceless!)

http://www.cmt.com/loaded/index.jhtml?vid=33693

Random Thoughts

2007-04-12T22:33:00.000-06:00

i have researched why my dogs (a bitch and a male) do the humpty-dumpty.

it's all about dominance. not procreation. dominance.

the dog on top is expressing dominance over the other dog.

and that started me thinking.................

the most common sexual positions for a man and a woman......

man on top....man from behind.

Sound familiar?

dominance

________________________________________________________

Hi Y'all

2007-04-01T17:08:00.000-06:00

Don't know if anybody's even going to read this since I haven't blogged in such a long time.

Anyway, after all this blogging I've just done, time for a nap!

luv & smooches!

Cleaning Day

2007-01-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

Opens door to chat room and looks around
Wow. This place could use some sprucing up! It looks all dingy and sorta grimy. This is definitely not how this room should look.
Lugs in buckets, brooms and various cleaning products
Looks around again and hits the light switch
Hum. That light bulb needs replacing.
Opens a step ladder and replaces the spotlight focused on the Black Velvet Painting Of Taylor Hicks.
That's better. But it's so dark and dreary in here.
Goes to the window and flings open the curtains
Dust bunnies go scurring to the corners of the room
Everything'll look brighter once these windows are cleaned.
Reaches for a bottle of Windex and starts to clean, admiring the beautiful sunset
Stands back and nods head in approval
Turns around to get a another look
It's a little worse than I thought. But nothing that can't be fixed with a little loving care.
Takes a deep breath
OK. First the wet bar. *ahem*
Throws away all of the dirty ashtrays and replaces them with beautiful crystal ones
Washes all of the glassware until it sparkles and puts it back in its place
Replaces empty and almost-empty bottles of Crown, Jack, and other various and sundry liquors and restocks fridge
Wipes down the bar with Murphy's Oil Soap until it gleams
Much better. Time for a beer? Nope. Better finish up first.
Places a bowl of beer nuts on the bar
Looks around the room and shakes head
Grabs a garbage bag and starts around the room picking up crushed walnuts, empty beer bottles, old Chik-Fil-A milkshake cups, broken dishes, half-eaten bags of Doritos, crumpled paper and all of the other garbage laying around
Straightens up luggage, puts puppy toys in basket, and stacks up thud mats, all the while keeping an eye out for magic foxholes
After filling three garbage bags full of old rubbish the garbage bags are taken outside to the hallway for later disposal
Getting better. These walls could use some paint. But I'll do that another day. I'll just scrub 'em down today.
Fills a pail with warm water and sponges down the walls
Looks down at pail filled with brown water
Now that is nasty. But the room is really starting to come around!
Reaches for the broom and dust pan
Goes to the corners of the room and sweeps up the dust bunnies
Takes them outside and releases them into the wild
Smiles while watching their cute little tails bob up and down as they hop into the woods
Heads back into the room and sweeps up the rest of the dust, crumbs, puppy hair, etc.
Even cleans under the couch, but leaves one cheeto, just for fun
Damp mops the beautiful hardwood with vinegar and water, 'cause you're not supposed to use any harsh chemicals on hardwood floors
The rich wood reflects the last of the sunlight shining through the windows
Ah. Now here is the room that I love. And the room that hosts the people that I love.
Puts away cleaning supplies
Lights candles and places them around the room
Sets a bowl of fresh flowers on the coffee table and walks to the door
Just one last important thing.
Takes the newly laundered community snot rag off its hook
Gently wipes away all hurt feelings and angry tears from the beloved room
Turns around to take one last look and uses the community snot rag to wipe own tear away
Now. It's almost time for everyone to get here. I hope they like what I've done to the place.

For Ann

2007-01-16T06:25:00.000-06:00

Farewell 2006

2007-01-01T07:58:00.000-06:00

How many new friends were made in 2006?
How many romances began?
How many people decided to chase their dream?
How many gained the courage to step out on their own?
How many finally saw their self-worth?
How many discovered new talents and nurtured them?
How many decided to do something just for themselves?
How many found ways do something for others?
How many contacts were added to address books and cell phone numbers exchanged?
How many packed a bag and traveled to new places knowing that friends would be waiting?
How many realized that you don't have to settle for what you've got?
How many laughs were shared with new friends?
How many hearts broke for them?
How many came to depend on people who's faces they have never touched?
How many were amazed to find out that so many others cared for and loved them?
How many danced for the first time in a long time?
How many determined that you create your own happiness?
How many hugs were given and received by people who saw each other for the very first time?

2007 has mighty big shoes to fill.

Attention Please

2006-11-29T23:10:00.000-06:00

Your Love Song Is

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson

"Maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool"

You've been waiting for love, and you're not going to wait any longer!

What Love Song Are You?

That's really uplifting isn't it?

The Number 3

2006-11-26T17:36:00.000-06:00

Today's Meme is brought to you by the Number 3.

3 Things that scare me: The massive tangle of wires behind my desk; starting new relationships with guys; the University of Alabama football program will never recover it's former glory

3 People who make me laugh: Marion Brown (a good friend whom I don't call nearly enough); Dana; Grady Nutt

3 Things I love: Starting new relationships with guys; College football; the different color greens you see when spring has sprung

3 Things I hate: Ugly business forms that don't work; the tangled mass of wires behind my desk; decorating for Christmas (a lot of trouble for just a few weeks)

3 Things I don't understand: Why some people are cruel to animals; the mass of tangled wires behind my desk; why I let my car turn into a dumpster

3 Things on my desk: Computer; ciggies; glass of tea

3 Things I'm doing right now: IMing a guy that I'm (apparantly) starting a new relationship with; looking at all of the other crap on my desk that I didn't list above; replying to his Meme thingy

3 Things I want to do before I die: Go on an African safari; retire; meet Taylor Hicks

3 Things I can do: Drive; eat; cross my eyes

3 Things I can't do: Reply to these list thingys in under two hours; figure out the mass of tang..well you know; a back hand spring

3 Things I think you should listen to: Your intuition; the weather report; music that makes you smile

3 Things you should never listen to: People who put you down; bad advice; music you hate

3 Things I'd like to learn: How to play the guitar; how to give up changing things that can't be changed without beating my head repeatedly against a brick wall; reply to these list thingys in under two hours

3 Favorite foods: Brownies; hamburgers (the fresh-made gooey kind); anything my Mom cooks

3 Beverages I drink regularly: Sweet tea; unsweet tea with fake sugar; Bud Light;

3 Shows I watched as a kid: The Brady Bunch; The Partridge Family; the Sunday night Disney movies

Whew! Since everybody I know's already been tagged apparently, I ain't tagging anybody!

"Blogged" Down Syndrome

2006-11-25T17:59:00.000-06:00

I am posting here in the hope that others suffering from a similar disease will comment.

I have started about 3 posts over the last several days. I get so "blogged" down in making sure it looks purty that I never get it posted!

I play with html codes, look for cool pics to post, edit, edit, and edit some more.

After spending a couple of hours tweaking my post, I finally walk away from it. It's approaching the ridiculous!

Do I have a defective blog gene? I've been trying to find scientific information on the possible cause, but after using several search engines and digging through hundreds of sites, I have yet to deterimine the cause of this affliction.

The "search for the truth" syndrome must be a symptom of this condition as well.

As yet I have been unable to find a cure for my affliction. If you have had success overcoming a similar condition, please leave your tips on your comment.

Thank you for your time.

(Notice how plain this post looks. I believe I may be making progress!)

The Battle Of Troy

2006-11-21T06:36:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't been around the last couple of days. It seems that my computer was invaded by Trojans (not the prophylactic kind).

Still working on getting things back to normal!

My Ascent From The Black Hole

2006-11-19T08:52:00.000-06:00

This is my story.

About 4 years ago I got my husband’s gun out of the bedside drawer, wrote a suicide note, and put the gun to my head. But I "chickened out" and couldn't go through with it. I cried at my failure to even go though with this act. I got the gun out many times and held in my hands and thought about killing myself.

For the previous years I had suffered (what a weak word), with severe depression. I could function...Go to work, come home, clean the house (sorta) and generally make it though each day. But it was exhausting. I always felt like I was swimming underwater against the current. The part that exhausted me was putting on a normal face and getting through the day. Trying to do the things I knew I had to do.

I thought, Okay this will pass. One day will have a better day and keep having good days until I don't feel this way anymore. Didn’t happen. I would have one of those “good days” where I felt like I had come up for air and that maybe this was when I would start to feel better. Didn’t happen. I would always get dragged under again.

Here are some of the thoughts that were my mantras for those many years:
“In the scheme of things, I don't matter.”
“My time on earth is so fleeting that I don't even understand why I was put here.”
“Within this big world and the infinite universe, I am just a small speck of an ant so what is my life worth? Nothing”
“If I could just kill myself, I would feel so much better.”
“I have friends and family in heaven who would welcome me, love me, and take care of me, and I miss them.”
“If I killed myself, it wouldn't really make a difference to those around me after all, after all I'm not a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, grandchild, etc.”
“I am so worthless. The things I can manage to do myself can easily be handled by someone else.”
“My friends and family would no longer have to deal with my depression.”

I had been “self-medicating” myself for many years. I drank anywhere from two to three beers every night. Sometimes more. I thought of it as my “wind down” time at the end of the day. After all, alcohol in moderation was supposed to be good for you. And a couple of beers a night seemed moderate to me. I was not an alcoholic. It felt good to sit in front of the TV and just vege out.

I cried…a lot. Feeling sorry for myself. No those are not the right words. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I just felt like I could not face another day and deal with regular life. But I did feel sorry for my friends and family. I was such a burden to them. This is not how they felt. This is how I felt. I knew that I was loved. But that didn’t make the feelings go away. It seemed to intensify them. After all, how could anyone love me when I was putting them through such misery worrying about me all of the time. How could they love me and still put up with all of my self-absorbed crap.

After my “suicide attempt,” I finally decided that I might need some help. I went to my family doctor, crying of course. I told him that I had thoughts of suicide but didn’t tell him how far I had gone to make that happen. He prescribed some medication. Some of it made me feel like I was about to jump out of my skin, some gave me vivid weird dreams, but most just plain didn’t work. I kept going back to him… crying. This went on for 8 months or so.

One day he told me that I needed to see a professional in this field. I told him that I didn’t want to do that. He said something that made sense to me. “If you had to have brain surgery, I wouldn’t do it, I would refer you to a specialist.”

One of my friends at work was suffering from severe depression too. Her husband had left her. She was struggling to make it on her salary. Her health coverage did not cover much of the expense of seeing a therapist or the medications they prescribed. She was really in a bad way. But we all understood why.

But me? Why did I feel like this? I had a loving and supportive husband. I was blessed with two parents who loved me so much it hurt. I had good friends whom I had known for years and years. I had a beautiful house and a job that paid well and one that I actually enjoyed (to the extent I could enjoy anything). So why, why, why was I depressed? There was absolutely no good reason.

My friend at work had found a psychologist (therapist) whom she liked. I got her name and called and made an appointment.

I saw Dr. Janzen (my friend’s doctor) and on the first visit, I told her about my thoughts of suicide and how far I had gone with it. I was honest. She listened, made eye contact, asked me questions about my history and told me that my illness was serious. She wanted to help me. But I didn’t believe anyone could help me. I liked her though and made another appointment for the following week.

Dr. Janzen was my window into mental illness. I could wipe the glass from inside my dark room and see what was happening to me. The first several visits we talked about me (of course) but she also explained how depression works. It is very complex and circular. You can’t cope with everyday emotions and tasks so you don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t do anything and you feel worthless. And the downward spiral continues until you finally reach the bottom of the black hole. And I was at the bottom of the black hole. She tried to help provide me with some coping skills. “What do you enjoy.” Nothing. “When was the last time you did had fun.” I can’t remember. But we kept talking. (And she Never told me to do the Look In The Mirror therapy.)

After about a year or so, she told me that she could only do so much for me. She gave me some names of the psychiatrists that she had worked with before and trusted. I picked Dr. Stacy Siegle. I could not get an appointment with her right away.

I waited the few weeks until I could see Dr. Siegle, still visiting Dr. Janzen in the meantime.

I lucked out. Dr. Siegle was a woman that I liked right away. She was a “younger” woman and smiled a lot and I felt comfortable with her. We met for about an hour on the first visit. She took my history, asked pertinent and pointed questions. I answered them honestly. She confirmed what Dr. Janzen told me. I was sick. But between she and Dr. Janzen she made me believe that there may be hope.

She explained about depression and mania and how they physically work on the body. She told me that there are tons of anti-depressants available but they all work in different ways for different people. It usually takes months and months of “hit or miss” med therapy to find a combination that would work for me. I can’t even remember how many drugs and/or combinations we tried. But she stayed with me, did not give up, and kept giving me hope. She also told me to keep going to Dr. Janzen, which I did.

I called to make an appointment with Dr. Siegle one day and found out they she had joined another group which did not cover all of the cost of my visits with her. I was devastated. So I called another psychiatry group and made and appointment with another doctor. I hated him and the office. He barely listened to me. He handed me a prescription, told me to make another appointment and I was rushed out the door. I did not go back.

I finally came to the conclusion that no matter the monetary cost, Dr. Siegle was my doctor and I was worth the extra money it would cost to see her. (See how far I had come?) It turned out that, even though my health insurance didn’t would not allow the co-pay, they would pay for 80% of the cost of the visit. That was a rather pleasant surprise. We kept tweaking my meds. And after about 18 months finally stumbled upon a cocktail that seemed to be working for me. I am still on that cocktail and I fell better than I ever remember.

I am on anti-depressants (who isn’t these days), a mood-stabilizer (turns out I’m also hypomanic). Hypo-mania is not nearly as serious as manic/depressive. I don’t go out and spend tons of money, or quit my job to go explore the Amazon or make other huge life-decisions on a whim. I just have smaller mood swings. And I’m on an anti-anxiety drug that I take at night to help me sleep. It’s working.

But it took me years of help to get to this point. But don’t think for one moment that I didn’t have set backs and that during my ascent from the black hole I did not fall back. But since I had seen at least some progress, I kept trying. I stopped drinking beer (at least during the week) and I got better. Here is a “duh” moment. Alcohol is a depressant. And I was on anti-depressants. Stupid huh?

One of the most enlightening things I discovered during my recovery is that I can tell the difference between the blues and depression. I’ve learned what depression feels like and I don’t want to go back there. I also know my alcohol limits. I’m not sure yet if the hypomania triggers an increase in my alcohol consumption or if it’s the other way around. But I have learned how to recognize when it’s happening and I know when I need to cut back. Recognition is a huge step and one that signals significant improvement. Dr. Siegle and I are working on that.

It’s been an eye-opening journey. And one that has educated me on so many of the pitfalls and symptoms of depression.

I know that my story is not the same as others’ stories. We are all different right? But in the end, what I’ve learned is that there is hope. For everybody who has this crippling disease. But you have to get the right kind of help.

If you have to have brain surgery, don’t go to a podiatrist.

The those who want to comment, please do so. I am doing very well, even with the upheaval in my private life. In fact, the decisions I have made in that department have been some relief. I don’t require encouragement. I am already encouraged even though I am still doing some “tuning up.” If you want to leave a your own experiences or agreements or disagreements feel free.

This post is not for my benefit. I just wanted to share my story in an effort to provide hope to others who live in the black hole. Keeping your head down while you’re in the black hole is easy. Looking up to see the tiny pinpoint of light is hard. And the climb is even harder. But once you emerge, even though you may be standing on the precipice of the black hole, you get a glimpse of the outside world and will hopefully see that the long climb was worth it.

Roll Tide!

2006-11-16T19:41:00.000-06:00

Recent graduates show their spirit.

Will blog as soon as I can!

Nothing big is happening....just a little busy!

A Little Bit Of This And That

2006-11-10T08:23:00.000-06:00

What I've Learned From My Dogs

There are two phrases that I have finally come to understand in the last couple of months. We have two dogs in our house now. Scamper is our old dog and Dolly is the latest addition to our family.

I now know what “a bone of contention” is.

The bone of contention is now laying in my living room! It’s one of those rawhide chewy bones basted in beef broth. They don’t fight over it. They steal it while the other dog isn’t looking. We always have two, one for each of them. Scamp is usually the thief. It really is comical to watch. So I guess we really have two bones of contention!

And I know what it means when people say someone is “dogging your heels.”

When I’m at home, I usually (ok, always) wear house shoes. The kind that flop up and down when you walk. Dolly follows me around the house and is always so close on my heels that she continually steps on the backs of my house shoes when they flop down. I roll my eyes when she is dogging my steps but it is somewhat endearing and makes me remember that phrase and smile. She’s a knucklehead but a sweet knucklehead.

In Search Of Cute Shoes

Has the whole shoe industry completely lost their minds?! All I want is a pair of flat brown shoes that aren’t too casual. Believe me, I have looked. Shopped all of the stores and browsed every website that has shoes for sale.

I have two pair of brown flat shoes. I wear them with everything. I have had both of them for about 5 years or more. They are almost completely worn out and look worse than any shoe you will find at a thrift store. I am completely bumfuzzled about the whole “lack of cute, flat brown shoes.”

The search continues………….Or maybe I’ll just start my own shoe design company! (not)

Sigerson Morrison (Have no idea, but it rhymes)
$383.95 (You Gotta Be Kidding Me!)
Free Shipping Both Ways! (Very generous of them)

To Our Veterans:

Thank you.

My Expression Number Is 8

Driven and ambitious, you have the potential to reach great things. (Like the cookies on the top shelf?)
You're both good with money and good at getting things done quickly. (Looks at watch. How long is this gonna take?)
You are an excellent leader and a great judge of character. (I do know some characters, but I try not to judge others.)

Full of energy (never mind the two hour naps) and confidence, you undertake projects that seem impossible. (SEEM impossible?)
Dependable and determined, you are able to understand the bigger picture. (I don't know anything about art.)
Even if you are not in a position of power right now, it will fall to you. (Well that's just great...)

At times, you can be very materialistic - and obsessed with status and power. (Materialistic...Me? Goes to shop for shoes again.)
While this isn't always a bad thing, you sometimes take it to the extreme. (Well I ain't payin' $383.95 for a pair of shoes....Even with the free shipping both ways.)

In order to be truly happy, you must balance the material and spiritual in your life. (I'm not a Weeble like Trav so I tip over a lot.)

Still Bloggin...

2006-11-08T06:32:00.000-06:00

Just haven't had to time to compose a blog these last several days.... But I've been keeping up with all of you through your blogs!

Stay tuned!

This Is Not A Rodeo....

2006-11-02T20:08:00.001-06:00

It seems like forever since I posted to my blog...But I guess it's really only been a few days! My how time flies....

And it's that time of year!
Yep...It's the World Finals of the PBR!!

And I am going to clear up a few misconceptions about bull riding on the Professional Bull Riders circuit.

First.... Only the top bull riders allowed to ride on the Built Ford Tough PBR circuit. These cowboys are not the ones that show up on a rodeo weekend to ride a bull. This is what most of them do for a living. And it's boom or bust.

If you don't make the 8-second ride, you don't get paid. Most of the top riders, however, do have sponsors. I don't know what that pays...Maybe enough to cover traveling expenses. Yes, they have pay their own traveling expenses for each trip.

They don't have contracts like most professional athletes. It is a week to week living. I was watching football a few weeks ago and they announced that one of the starters would be out for a few weeks with a broken toe. Broken Toe?? Mike White broke is neck six months ago and is back on bulls. If you ain't hurt, you ain't riding. That's the fact of the matter.....Separated shoulders, sprained backs, broken riding hands, broken legs (yes, Justin McBride rode in the Finals two years ago with a broken leg), bumps, bruises, and stitches.

It's part of the game. And they do it because they love bull riding. You gotta "Cowboy Up" to make it on this circuit.

And raise your hand if you think this is cruel to the bulls? And if you believe that a rope is tied around the bulls genetilia. And if believe that they use a cattle prod to make them buck. And if you believe that they are raised in small pens on some back road....

All wrong...These bulls are as famous as the riders. Reindeer Dippin', Mossy Oak Mudslinger, Scene of the Crash, Big Bucks...

There is no "stimulation" to make these bulls buck. They are either buckers or they're not. As one stock contractor put it, "Would you perform if you have a rope tied around you genetalia?"

They are usually raised from calves by the stock contractors and are normally considered to be a part of the family...like a dog that you take to a dog show. They are pampered and nurtured and well taken care of. Well, it's true, like it or not. These bulls buck to get the cowboys off their backs, and they love it.

One very famous bull (now retired) Little Yellow Jacket, used to try to get in the trailer to go to the events, even when they weren't gonna take him. He loved it. After he bucked off a cowboy, he would always turn around and look at the crowd and then stroll out through exit chute. He was not mean tempered, he never "went" for a cowboy once he was down.

They have their own personalities, some, like LYJ would usually do the same trip each time out...Two jumps and a turn to the left with a reverse thrown in there is the cowboy wasn't off by then...And he usually was. Some are rank...They will come after a cowboy, or anyone else that gets in the way, once the bothersome rascal is off his back. But usually injuries don't occur when you meet up with a rank bull.

That's where the bullfighters come in. NOT the rodeo clowns...the bullfighters. These guys know where the cowboy is and know where the bull is going. And know how to keep the bull off the cowboy. They run interference. I have seen bull fighters get between a 2,000 bull and a 150 pound cowboy to protect the rider. I have seen them literally cover up a downed cowboy with their own bodies in order to protect them from the bull. I have seen them do heroic things. Because they love it.

Gotta go! The broadcast of the finals is starting in one minute! Catch it on Vs. (Versus), the network formerly knows as OLN.

Laugh A Litttle!

2006-10-31T06:24:00.000-06:00

After so many serious posts from my friends, I thought a little levity might be in order. Watch and laugh!

Happy Halloween!

One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure

2006-10-29T08:13:00.000-06:00

The yard-sale saga just refuses to come to a conclusion. I have been getting my trash together for more than a month in anticipation of cleaning out of the extraneous crap that I have accumulated during the 5 years we have lived in this house.

And by the way, the stuff you accumulate is directly proportional to the amount of space you have to store more junk! We moved from a charming, 1100 square foot home to one more than twice that size. And have managed to fill it up. Aaaargh

Anyway…Hubby took this past Friday off in order to “get ready” for the yard sale we were supposed to have this Saturday. Well, no yard sale. Junk still sits in my dining room, in my garage, and anywhere else I have found to stash it. I have threatened to call the local charity to come and haul it all off. But Hubby wants to have a yard sale. OK. Maybe next weekend…

I have some fairly nice stuff I was going to put out for the yard sale, but felt like I was demoting it from treasure to junk without merit. I found a new and very charming consignment shop that recently opened and called the owner Friday. I told her about some of the stuff I thought she might be interested in taking on consignment. She sounded excited about my treasures. I’m gonna separate those out and take them to her next week. More fun than throwing them in the driveway at a price that I’m sure is lower than some others would be willing to pay.

And the thrift store is just down the road. I think that I might be able to buy some really cool things there and make money putting them in her shop! I love stuff like that!

Will post updates on the Trash to Treasure adventures when they are warranted.

Thanks for reading my Lame-Ass blog! (lol)

(Ooh...think I'll go check out e-bay....The ultimate Trash to Treasure store.)

My Alabama

2006-10-25T20:26:00.000-06:00

I am stealing this from a post by Chicken&Waffles from GrayCharles. This poem evokes so much visceral imagery for me. And I’m blessed enough to get to see my Alabama everyday.

Daybreak in Alabama

When I get to be a composer
I’m gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I’m gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I’m gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I’m gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.

-Langston Hughes

_______________________________________________________________

And the Who Gives A Shit story of the day…

BRITNEY KEEPING MUM ON NEW BABY'S NAME

A mystery It's keeping me awake at night is growing around Britney Spears' second baby She's already had a baby?.It was widely reported that on Sept. 12 I musta missed that headline, Spears gave birth to a baby boy that she named Sutton Pierce. Spears has not confirmed those reports I've been calling and calling her, but she still won't tell me, and pics of little Sutton have yet to surface waiting on pins and needles for these photos. Sources tell the Scoop that may be because there is no Sutton Pierce Spears Federline Does this mean she didn't really have a baby??.

Taylor's Favorite - Fox Valley Restaurant And watch the Cat Herding video

2006-10-22T00:07:00.000-06:00

Hubby and I went to eat at Fox Valley earlier this evening. As I left FBB chat, I told everyone there that I was going to eat at Taylor's favorite restaurant. Dana asked if we were going to Waffle House...Although I do like Waffle House, especially in the wee hours of the morning after imbibing more than my share of wimpy American Beer, it was Fox Valley Restaurant.

From the article in People Magazine:

Favorite restaurant:"Fox Valley, about a 10-minute drive from Birmingham."

I thought some of you might be interested in finding out more about so I found their website and am posting it here.

By the way, Taylor's favorite meal there is Steak and Cake. It happens to be my favorite too.

Tonight we sat at the bar and ate. I had a Crab Cake, a delicious Mixed Greens Salad, and a glass of white wine.

This is a really interesting restaurant. First of all, it's attached to an old but still open Shell gas station in a very non-descript run-down strip mall (if you can even call it that). It is located at the one red light in Maylene (population 3,887) . If you don’t know where to look, you won’t find it.

The decor is upscale without being snooty: linen table clothes, soft lighting, knowledgeable staff, great wine list, and a small bar in with one can enjoy a cigarette.

If you are ever in the Birmingham area, it’s well worth finding.
________________________________________________________________

http://www.birminghammenus.com/foxvalley/
__________________________________________________________

Fox Valley
Sample Dinner Menu

Starters

cream of potato soup with apple-wood bacon 4.50 6.50

roasted red pepper beer cheese soup 4.50 6.50

maryland style crab cake with brown garlic butter 8.50

fried blue crab claws with cocktail sauce 8.25

mushroom, cheese and spinach filled ravioli, simmered in
alfredo sauce with jumbo lump crab meat 8.50

beer batter fried U-10 diver scallops,
jumbo gulf shrimp and onion rings with baja sauce 10.25

char grilled jumbo gulf shrimp with drawn butter 8.50

fried stuffed mirliton pirogue filled with
sautéed shrimp and smoked sausage; hollandaise 8.50

fried green tomatoes with jumbo gulf shrimp, (two steamed, two fried);
fresh herb tartare sauce 8.75

pezze della nonna - tender pasta “kerchiefs filled with ricotta, mozzarella, fontina and spinach, baked in béchamel, topped with fresh tomato basil sauce 7.75

Salads
house salad - bleu cheese, ranch, greek, herb or raspberry vinaigrette 3.00

mixed greens with bananas, fresh berries, mandarin oranges,
pine nuts, goat cheese, raspberry vinaigrette 4.75

greek salad – with feta, kalamata olives, tomato, cucumber and greek peppers 4.50

Sides
baked gratin of potatoes with buttered parmesan bread crumbs 3.50

fried eggplant rounds with creole sauce and parmesan 3.50

steamed fresh asparagus with hollandaise 4.00

Entrees
served with a house salad

pan fried pork tenderloin scaloppine stuffed with three cheeses,
proscuitto and fresh sage; tomato mushroom marsala sauce 17.75

char grilled 16 oz. new york strip with merlot butter and sautéed mushrooms 23.75

slow braised lamb shank with butter mashed sweet potatoes
and burgundy pan gravy 16.25

steak and cake – char grilled filet mignon and maryland style crab cake
with brown garlic butter 24.75

carpetbagger steak - char grilled filet mignon stuffed with
fried apalachicola oysters; sauce choron 23.75

maryland style crab cake entrée with brown garlic butter 19.25

baked stuffed grouper imperial - jumbo lump crab, gulf shrimp,
diver scallops and mushrooms 23.00

salmon en croute - north atlantic salmon fillet baked in puff pastry,
with sauce béarnaise 16.75

paneed macadamia nut crusted scamp fillet with passion fruit
honey mustard butter 18.75

blackened yellowfin tuna over creole sauce, topped with
cajun fried popcorn shrimp; hollandaise 19.00

pecan fried flounder fillet served with shrimp etouffée and rice 17.75

paneed horseradish crusted salmon fillet, char grilled jumbo gulf shrimp;
brown butter balsamic vinaigrette 18.00

____________________________________________

2006-10-21T01:41:00.000-06:00

I will write my thoughts now while I am still angry, but will probably edit them later I’m sure.

I went to the local bar tonight to hear a band that I really like. Phil & Walon (and a drummer, which makes the band, Daddy Longlegs).

Anyway. My husband and I haven’t acted married in about 4 months now. Yes, we still live together. But he goes his way… And so far…. I have gone No Way.

Until tonight…Damn him…I was at the bar listening to and enjoying Phil and Walon. And talking to Walon and some friends between sets. Then who shows up acting all married and shit… my “husband”.

Now that just pissed me off! I was having a nice conversation and flirting with Walon (whom I know by the way) and my “husband” shows up and starts giggling and rubbing my shoulders and shit…

Well. Walon hit the road…. moved to another table…I am so mad right now…

I know that he sees (has sex with) other (who knows how many) women. And I can’t even get a night alone to enjoy a band I like and, perhaps flirt with a cute guy…

Aaaaaruugggh!

____________________________________________________________

"The Next Morning"

Ok...I'm not mad anymore. (And thank you for your sweet comment Coco.) I got home before Joe last night and just vented (see rant above).

I want to preface this by telling you that Joe has never, ever even come close to hitting me, is never verbally demeaning to me in any way, either in public or private, and does truly care about me....And we do love each other and tell each other that. But it just so happens that we make better roommates than we do a married couple.

He knew I was mad and asked (in the typical fashion that men do) "Are you mad at me?"

Duh

We talked about why I was mad. No voices were raised and after I explained how I felt, we actually laughed about the way he acted. He apologized and said that he didn't mean to cramp my style. I laughed and said "Hell, I don't even have a style anymore!" We talked some more about our situation, laughed some more, went to our separate bedrooms and to sleep...Not angry.

I made my point, he got it, and today is a beautiful fall day in Alabama.

Anyway......I hope everyone has a good day today. (And please, oh please, let my Tide team beat those Vols!)

What Does "Being Myself" Mean?

2006-10-19T19:00:00.000-06:00

I sometimes check out my horoscope. I thought tomorrow's 'scope was particularly interesting.

You see, tomorrow night I am going to our local dive/dump to hear a band that I really like…Daddy Longlegs. You may have heard me mention Phil and Walon before. Absolutely talented and entertaining. I will post a review and (hopefully) a video in a couple of days.

I normally go alone to watch them perform and usually sit by myself and enjoy the show. (Sorta makes me feel like a stalker!) I will know, or be acquainted with most of the people there.

In my post, Outside Looking In, I talk about how I usually feel like I’m not really a part of the “party.”

But this horoscope made me to go “hmmm…”

If you find yourself trying to prove that you have something valuable to offer, it might be better to think this through first. Chances are you're naturally friendly, and get along with almost anyone. This may already be strength for you, and you probably have something great to bring to a crowd. Consider being yourself and not always trying to feel a part of things. Start by looking at your qualities to prove your worth to yourself.

I wonder what "being myself" means? Whatever it is, I guess I'll try it out tomorrow night!

More Picture To Make You ::THUD::

2006-10-18T21:14:00.000-06:00

"Songs Don't Have Styles" - John Mayer

2006-10-18T18:18:00.000-06:00

John Mayer on CMT Crossroads with one of the very best sing/songwriter/pickers in music today.

AND scroll down for the long-anticipated "Mutton Bustin" video!

And today was a better day!

Where Was My Good Thing Today?

2006-10-17T19:57:00.000-06:00

This is a little embarrassing after my "Good Thing" post yesterday.

I began today with that the same mantra..."Something good is going to happen today."

Ya know, sometimes you just have one of those days....I kept looking for my good thing for the day, the one that makes me smile from the inside.

Maybe on the days that you really need to find it, it's there but you just don't see it. Or maybe it's not really there at all and you just have to find a way to move through the day. Who knows.

Anyway, it's 9:30 pm. I'm gonna check some blogs, pop in to chat, and see what happens.

The day's not quite over yet.

And an update on my prospective home building plans. I called the City of Montevallo today to ask about the easement issues relating to access to the lot I have been looking at.

At about 9:30 this morning, I left a message on the voice mail of the City Clerk to call me. I know that these things can be rather messy issues, and I really didn't expect anyone to call me back. After all, when you have v/m you're allowed to ignore it until either it goes away, or you finally relent and call back.

I waited until 1:30 and called back. I asked for Amy Feger and the clerk said that she was not available and offered to take a "real" message (my words, not her’s) for me rather than putting me through to her voice mail again. I declined and left her another v/m.

Surprisingly enough, she did call me back and was very pleasant; asking relevant questions and actually looking though maps while she was on the phone with me. I had that whooped puppy voice today so maybe she felt sorry for me.

I can't help it when I have those whooped puppy voice days. They just happen. And I usually don't get the help I'm looking for, because, after all, if I sound like I'm gonna give up that quickly, why not just pass me off to someone else's voice mail?

Oh well. She said she would check into it and call me back. She sounded sincere, but we'll see what happens.

Maybe the fact that she returned my call at all IS my good thing for today. It just didn't make me smile from the inside.

________________

(Yep.......I edited this part out...........................)

Monday, October 16th's Good Thing...

2006-10-16T16:59:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, I decided to start everyday by saying to myself:

"Something good is going to happen today."

Usually I remember to say this to myself while I'm driving to work. This makes me LOOK for the good things. They can be very small but very good.

So even though the day is not yet over, I am going to post my "something good" for this day.

Today it rained. Which was good. I went out to the piece of property I've been looking at to check on the drainage issue. Didn't rain hard enough today to really see how the water runs off. There is a low spot in the middle of the property so I'll have to check it out again. Maybe it'll rain some more tonight.

And I saw a hawk on a power line looking for lunch. They are so cool!

And I read some awesome blogs that were all about "good things"!

So far, today's been a good day!

OH! And I just read the interview with Taylor on GCs blog!!! This day just keeps getting better and better!

My Nieces....

2006-10-14T17:45:00.000-06:00

These are my nieces...

Biggest: Sadie Lynne

My dad once said that it is disconcerting riding down the road with a child in the back seat who has a higher IQ than you do.

My Mom and Dad's first grandchild.

Sadie Lynne once told her "other grandmother":

"I love Grandfather the best. No wait...I love God first, then Grandfather."

I told him, not too shabby, being second only to God.

Needless to say, they are completely in love with each other.

Second Biggest: Adelaide Rose

If Sadie Lynne is the Valedictorian, Adelaide is the Prom Queen.

This girl loves shoes...And I don't mean little girl shoes...I mean high heeled shoes. She walks around in my mother's shoes all day. She wears high heals better than I do, for the love of all that's fashionable.

For her birthday last year, her Mom, Shannon, took here to the mall and Adelaide tried on shoes...And not the little girl kind.

The Littlest: Ruby Beth (aka Ru-Ru)

The first few times I saw her, she screamed whenever I entered the room. Needless to say I was developing a significant "Aunt" complex.

I don't know her as well as I do the first two. But she has the weirdest and funniest facial expressions!

Mutton Bustin' -- This is too cute!!

2006-10-14T11:22:00.000-06:00

Tiny bull riders in training!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbPKR3UMwOs&mode=related&search=
You have to be younger than 6-years-old and under 40-pounds to ride -- but
it's a trip the young and adventuruous will never forget.
It's called mutton bustin'.

That's where kids ride sheep like bulls and they get more points the longer
they can hold on.

Mutton bustin' started at the Travis Country Fair and Rodeo five years ago.
The event was so popular last year that dozens of disappointed youngsters had to be turned away.

But on Monday, more than 30 young cowboys and cowgirls saddled up on a sheep and clung to it like their lives depended on it.

The rodeo gave away trophies for first, second and third place finishes.

By Shelton Green / KVUE NewsBy Shelton Green / KVUE News

I Am Determined To Recruit You!

2006-10-14T11:11:00.000-06:00

Here's a pretty good summary of the PBR.........

And here's a funny video of a newcaster trying to find out "Why 8 Seconds?"

=

You will get periodic updates, whether you want them or not! :)

2006-10-14T00:59:00.000-06:00

George Lucas In Love

If you know Star Wars.........You will love this!

(Have I become the mad blogger?)

You may now post comments to my blog (I think!).

2006-10-14T00:33:00.000-06:00

This One Must Be Shared!

2006-10-13T23:46:00.000-06:00

A House For Me

2006-10-13T17:16:00.000-06:00

I'm thinking about building a home.

My husband and I are (eventually) going to sell our house and, as many of you know, will more than likely be living separately.

Since I can't find a home that remotely appeals to me, I might buy a lot that I have my eye on and build a house.

Tell me what you think! Vote when you post your comment.....

1. http://www.eplans.com/house-plans.hwx/Q/searchId.110988162/offset.1/Plan.HWEPL11044

2. http://www.eplans.com/house-plans.hwx/Q/searchId.110988162/offset.1/Plan.HWEPL06848

3. http://www.eplans.com/house-plans.hwx/Q/searchId.110988553/offset.1/Plan.HWEPL13060

4. http://www.eplans.com/house-plans.hwx/Q/searchId.110988553/offset.2/Plan.HWEPL10115

5. http://www.eplans.com/house-plans.hwx/Q/searchId.110988553/offset.3/Plan.HWEPL00913

Outside Looking In

2006-10-12T19:42:00.000-06:00

Why do I always feel like I'm on the Outside Looking In?

Even when I'm with people I love, I still feel this way. And I don't like it.

I always seem to be on the fringes of life.

I try to be on the Inside. I really do.

It sucks. Everything seems to swirl around me, without ever touching me. Conversations, friends, family.

I guess it's because I hold back. Do I hold back? I must.

What a bunch of crap. I'm not clever enough to hold any one's attention. People seem to talk around me. Why is that? I try to join in but once again.........talked around.

I hate it.

Maybe I'm not "engaging" enough. Too stunted.

I can be entertaining sometimes, I guess. But I don't seem to be able to add much to conversations. I think I'm amusing occasionally. But apparently I'm not as amusing enough.

I try....I really do. Don't get offended or defensive please....but even in FBB chat, I don't seem to be able to hold anyone attention or get "chatted up". Please don't try extra hard the next time I visit. It will only make me feel more ..... needy.

And I'm not needy. I very self-sufficient. Maybe too self-sufficient.

Anyway......Dana has issues with her self-esteem apparently but I love her so much. And I guess I have issues with feeling like I'm on the Outside Looking In.

Left Behind....

2006-10-12T18:14:00.000-06:00

I have been left behind in the cloud of thick dust as technology has sped away from me!

Once upon a time, I could hook up a VCR AND set it!

I could set up a new computer and it would work.

I could set the timer on the stove without all of the beeping buttons.

I have just spent 1 and 1/2 hours trying to set up this blog site!

Now we have HD Cable (with the requisite set-top b0x), a surround sound theater system, a DVD player/recorder, a large screen TV, and a Playstation. The sheer miles and maze of wiring behind the "entertainment" center is not entertaining in the least. We have FOUR remotes to operate the television!

Wire color-coded connections leading from the cable wall outlet to the TV, to the Cable Box, back to the TV, into the surround sound system, out of the surround sound system back to the DVD player/recorded and then out to the TV and so on and so on and so on.........

I'm tellin' ya, the Griswold's Christmas looks like a pedal-car compared to our Ferrari of wires.

Please send me in a time machine back to 2001!!

Aaargh!

Me at Five Points South

2006-10-12T17:54:00.000-06:00